The Syndicate

PS I picked the Teddy Bear.

XOXO

Dear diary,

Mother said I shouldn't use this kind of language, but since I'm only talking to you, I feel like she won't see it on TV.

Fuck this DharmaHelper guy. I mean really fuck him hard. Like with a hot dog that went bad. He's not a very nice man.

Okay bedtime.

XOXO
-Me

Dear diary,

So. Crazy thing happened.

After I arrived I got separated from the group. I didn't know where anybody was! At first I panicked and then I realized I didn't have my inhaler with me, so I did my best to calm down. I thought it would be good to use the stars to navigate with, but it was daytime, and those wouldn't be coming out for a while. I wondered about that thing where moss only grows on one side of a tree or something, but I guess I'm not really good recognizing plants. Then I realized I hadn't applied any sunblock, so I decided to just move in one direction and see if I could find my way just using the old noodle.

Well anyway I passed through a clearing and found myself in the presence of this gorilla. It was beating its chest and making such a fuss! I was like, "Who whizzed on his bananas in his Corn Flakes this morning?" you know? Man, I thought I was in trouble. I said to myself, "Boy, you're in such a pickle, you might not even say you're in a pickle. You're in the relish." I mean, it looked that bad for me.

Then someone called my name and I looked around and there everybody was! They were just going on about their business! So I tried to find out why everybody was so calm with this angry, violent gorilla in their presence. They said, "What gorilla?"

You're gonna laugh when you hear this. That wasn't a gorilla. It was just DharmaHelper, another contestant here. Boy, he sure had me worried! He didn't even have a suit or mask on or anything. Wowee.

If the producers have anything like my arrival in store, I'd better watch out!

XOXO
-Me