The Syndicate

W-wait, captain, come back!

Ohhhhhh dear. I'm not Zapp Brannigan, people. Please don't kill me.

Eugh! Why you people would ever want to lynch a handsome, heroic space captain like myself is beyond all reasoning!

Ah, well. Let it be known that the valiant Zapp Brannigan tried his best, even if he was doomed from the start. All that's left to do is for the captain to go down with his ship. Farewell, Kif!

That's uncharacteristically noble of you, sir.

No, it's incredibly noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain!

Remember folks, you're after the space captain to begin wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiith!!

Robot Mafia wrote:The Donbot don't like a whole lot of sudden movement against that there captain. He says to cool your jets.

This titillating robot makes little sense! Why would he vote for me and then tell others to not vote for me?

Morbo wrote:MORBO FINDS PUNY CAPTAIN'S DEFENSE UNSATISFACTORY! THE LECHEROUS HUMAN DID NOT TRULY WISH TO SAVE THE AIRHEADED MARTIAN IN MORBO'S OPINION! ZAPP BRANNIGAN

This is entirely false, you buttheaded freakshow! Your face is practically a weapon of mass disgusting! Eugh!

If you look through my list of posts so far it is apparent I was willing to defend the sweet Miss Wong from the beginning.

Bah! Why would I have ever said I suspected sweet Amy Wong of any heinous crimes? I said she was innocent from the beginning! I am a heroic space captain, I voted for the seedy Robot Mafia because he was the one who attacked her personally! I cannot let such an injustice go un-justiced! Kif, is that a verb? What's a verb again?

Small monkey with three eyes, I dislike you immensely. But your punishment will come in due time. Right now, I must exact my vengeance against the evil Robot Mafia for killing my beloved Amy!

Uh, sir, if I may, Amy was my wife, I am still very upset with-

Quiet, Kif! I've had a bad day and it would make me very upset if I had to fire you! But not too upset in all truthfulness.

Mark my words, the Robot Mafia will suffer the full wrath of Zapp Brannigan! Zapp Brannigan's vengeance is much like his lovemaking: fast, and hard.

Robot Mafia wrote:

Professor Farnsworth wrote:There we go! Now, I want to talk about this Zapp Brannigan. He claimed to vote for the Robot Mafia to save Amy, even though the arithmetic made no contribution to her safety. If he truly believed in Amy's innocence—well, in terms of the explosion, anyway—why didn't he vote for Nibbler, which would have kept her out of the lead? All bluster and no action, this one. But I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.

We had not even computed the space captain's vote for us as we were more concerned with the Robot Devil's preposterous accusations around the same time, but upon retroactive examination your point appears valid. Brannigan's vote did nothing except for keep him away from the real activity that was going on. This does not compute.

Egad, you monsters killed the only beautiful woman left in this party! Now it's a veritable sausage fest.

I voted for that fat machine and his not-sexy friends because it's my job as the heroic space captain to save the babe! I mean day!

I of course knew Amy was innocent all along! Never a doubt had crossed my mind. That was a given! The bigger question is, why are you quacks so quick to throw around the blame?

I don't like that small monkey-looking thing at all to begin with! Truthfully, he was next on my list of things to be eradicated by my mighty spaceship! Kif, quick! Give me a reason to vote for this Nibbler creature that doesn't look like blatantly covering my tail!

Ahh, now I'm thinking about Leela's one big, beautiful eye fixated on me. I'm going to miss that gal. She certainly knew her way around things with one eye, if you catch my blatant insinuation!

Professor Farnsworth wrote:

Zapp Brannigan wrote:

Robot Mafia wrote:The lack of votes in the poll at this time concerns me.

What disturbs me is why you would want to accuse a sweet, innocent Martian girl of such a heinous crime! And it has nothing to do with the lovely Miss Wong being betrothed to my underling Kif! I do not honor traditional monogamous relationships anyways! Zapp Brannigan is far too sexy for one woman, let alone one species.

It also seems odd that that foul-mouthed, ignorant, atrocious robot trying to steal my fame has yet to enter! Bender hasn't said a word either! Nixon and Headless Agnew are conspicuously absent as well. Now, I'm no detective, though I clearly could be if I wanted to, given my propensity for brilliant deductive reasoning as a seasoned ship captain, but something about that is making my Captain's sense itch. Kif, get the powder!

How curious... It's almost as if you want these individuals to make an appearance, thereby transferring the attention of everyone from you to them! All this speculation is giving me a raging brainer!

Why would I ever want to call attention away from myself? I'm the star of this show, baby! All eyes on me, especially if you're a babe! But not you, old man. You're gross and not my type! Kif, see this man off!

B-but, sir, I'm not your bodyguard.

Guess what! You've been promoted! I'll give you a raise if you do it by the scruff of his collar and pants!

I'm voting for the Robot Mafia, as it is my duty as the unnamed hero, Zapp Brannigan, to sexily save the damsel in distress!

Robot Mafia wrote:The lack of votes in the poll at this time concerns me.

What disturbs me is why you would want to accuse a sweet, innocent Martian girl of such a heinous crime! And it has nothing to do with the lovely Miss Wong being betrothed to my underling Kif! I do not honor traditional monogamous relationships anyways! Zapp Brannigan is far too sexy for one woman, let alone one species.

It also seems odd that that foul-mouthed, ignorant, atrocious robot trying to steal my fame has yet to enter! Bender hasn't said a word either! Nixon and Headless Agnew are conspicuously absent as well. Now, I'm no detective, though I clearly could be if I wanted to, given my propensity for brilliant deductive reasoning as a seasoned ship captain, but something about that is making my Captain's sense itch. Kif, get the powder!

Robot Mafia wrote:

Zapp Brannigan wrote:

Robot Mafia wrote:

Zapp Brannigan wrote:Quite frankly, I find it offensive that not a single one of you has bothered to talk about me! My legions of fans consist of every person in the galaxy! Surely that must include some of you? I don't know much about math, I pay people for that!

Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy! He thinks we should be talking about him even though he hasn't given us a single thing to talk about. Joey Mousepad and Clamps are offended that you've not said a word.

Oh, why there's plenty of things you can talk about me! My... ravishing charm, and dastardly good looks, for example!

Kif, what else could they be talking about?

Your, uh, excellent leadership skills, sir.

Yes! Alien babes love me! Possibly even robots! I haven't decided yet.

If you are as much of a lady's man as you tell me that you are then you should have no trouble explaining to me how you feel about the martian girl, Amy Wong.

She's a beautiful specimen. Shapely, seductive. And I'm at least 90% sure she's a woman. If she were a ship, I'd fly her brains out.

Robot Mafia wrote:

Zapp Brannigan wrote:Quite frankly, I find it offensive that not a single one of you has bothered to talk about me! My legions of fans consist of every person in the galaxy! Surely that must include some of you? I don't know much about math, I pay people for that!

Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy! He thinks we should be talking about him even though he hasn't given us a single thing to talk about. Joey Mousepad and Clamps are offended that you've not said a word.

Oh, why there's plenty of things you can talk about me! My... ravishing charm, and dastardly good looks, for example!

Kif, what else could they be talking about?

Your, uh, excellent leadership skills, sir.

Yes! Alien babes love me! Possibly even robots! I haven't decided yet.

Quite frankly, I find it offensive that not a single one of you has bothered to talk about me! My legions of fans consist of every person in the galaxy! Surely that must include some of you? I don't know much about math, I pay people for that!

Oh, my dear, sweet Leela, how awful and unsexy of a way to go! We'll avenge your death, if it's the last thing Kif ever does! Which it might be!

The hero with no name, Captain Zapp Brannigan, at your service!

I am sexy.