The Syndicate

shit im hearing this song now again after avoiding it for a year lol and bawling my eyes out, it's so good. you made me feel good, TH. you make me smile and i wish you'd stayed a while longer.

the last song i ever sent you, 2 days before i lost you.

you said you remembered that song were excited to hear it again!!! and we talked about dumb shit.

i still send you songs every other day and i don't know when i'll stop. probably never? whenever i hear a song you like, a song that i know will make you so nostalgic that you'll share a story with me about it, i share it. we'd talk for hours into the night.

i want to share litany with you and hear your thoughts. i know you'd like her.

i'm sorry we couldn't do what we planned to do. i'm sorry you couldn't enjoy your new found confidence more. i'm sorry we couldn't have more girl nights and share makeup advice more or go clothes shopping together and buy nothing but have a blast anyway. i'm sorry i didn't read between the lines when you follow up with "but it's ok..." -- it was never ok, and i was so really dumb to not have realized how much more you needed me to be there more.

i love you a lot oddy, always have, always will. i always pretend you're just going through a phase and ghosting me like you did that one time. you're going to talk to me again soon like you always do and send me a random "bitch what u doin i miss u" message and we don't even pretend we haven't talked in a year cos everything just clicks again.

i can't wait till you do.

TH's brother is going to try and livestream their memorial at noon EST today (in under 20mins)

I will post the link here.

https://www.facebook.com/1094010460/vid ... 443197321/

Oddy, short for Odyssey (or TH, as they argued with me endlessly over the love of that nickname too), was a one of a kind person and loved by all who met them. They were kind, they were sweet, they were loving. They were generous, there were caring, they were forgiving. They always saw the best in other people, always ready to give others the benefit of the doubt and second (third, fifth, tenth....) chances no matter how much hurt they'd caused them. They were one of my best friends and we understood each other so well, felt each other's pain before either of us had spoken, and supported each other daily. We were going on road trips together and doing a big cooking extravaganza as soon as we got together post-Covid.

They were special and will always be remembered as such, they own a piece of my heart and they will have it till I die.

We kept each other sane during all the crazy pandemic with music, uplifting words, humor, and just unconditional LOVE every single day. They never judged, and loved everyone. That's all they wanted in life; to be able to be who they are and not be judged, be loved by those closest to them unconditionally because they loved back just as fiercely.

YOU ARE LOVED BY ALL OF US! CHERISHED!

I tried to remind them of that every single day, because sometimes they'd forget it and I couldn't let that pass. And they did the same for days I wasn't feeling it. And man did they make me feel special.

Well don't you dare forget it now, TH. I hope you can feel the love. And I selfishly hope you can watch over me and continue being the guardian angel you were to me all these years from above because I will continue to spread your warmth, the happiness you brought me, the lessons you taught me about forgiveness, and the love I was lucky to be swept by from you. <3

I love you forever, bestie.