The Syndicate

Trost logs - Time is a lie.
IC Date: December 6, 2393 @ 23:08:57 Stardate: 70931.40


Today was the worst day. Today was the sum of my failure. I tried so hard to help them. And they turn me down at almost every step. Today, Officer Johnson shot Sully. Maybe for the good, but never gave me the chance to try harder to defuse the situation. I'm deeply disgruntled that he has yet to talk to the counselor while I felt Elianna cry because she was being asked questions I should answer.

And honestly, I probably don't have the answers that Johnson and company want. They want textbook we can do this - this is the sum of that. And this is not the case with this crew. They are deep knit. And they are wary of strangers. And they do things their own way. Like children or drunk fools. Trust takes time to build and I was the new "head shrinker" and no one wants to be around the "Head shrinker." Then we lost 22 years.

I can't say I know the crew well. But I know they NEED me. And I want so very much to help them. My only hope now is that they defer to my help rather than what Johnson may or may not propose. I hope they ALL see - that time with me can help us all click off boxes and do our thing.

I am SO very worried about Sully and The Cap. I want to be worried about Johnny, but he keeps pushing me away at every step. I now that's the sign that I should love him even EXTRA. But confined to quarters how can I do that for everyone?

I'm also very happy that the command from Johnson was "to quarters" and not "to your quarters." Because if there is one set of quarters I MOST need to be in, it's with Emily. She is going to hate it. She barely tolerates both me and the replicator. But you know, in this case, I guess aversion therapy is the way to go. Cuz I need to be near her and monitor her and I can't do that from my quarters. Also -eventually - she will become familiar with me and open up. Sully could help me here, but you know....he got shot...

Trost logs. Stardate: I'm not sure. My head is on fire.
IC Date: December 6, 2393 @ 21:34:29 Stardate: 70931.23

I finally got Emily to realize that neither I or the food replicator were out to poison her. This is a step forward.

I can't help thinking that Sully knows something he won't share with me. He's so interested in her progress. But won't talk to me or her. He is carrying a weight that I don't know about. And it's some how Emily tied. I wish he trusted me just a little.

I drugged my CO. I know it was a Betazied equvalant of Valarian root. It was really harmless. But kick you in the pants. I hope it helped him. He needs to be more alert than ever right now. And caffine won't make him as alert as real sleep will.