Jack Benny (Sloonei)
Your money or your life? Just kidding, pal. You’ll stand there all day thinking it over. Say, what’s in that big vault of yours? No, no, I can assure you we are not interested in your money. Or your violin playing. But say, couldn’t you hide somebody in there to keep him safe? I’m sure you could! Trouble is, he couldn’t do much on the outside world if he’s trapped in there. Great! You can be the Civilian Jailor.
Fred Allen (JaggedJimmyJay)
Mr. Allen, you are a master ad-libber. You can find out when there’s a stowaway on a fifty-cent tour. And thanks to your Pasternak Factory Tested Pussy-Willow Mattress (which makes your back arch) and New York’s leading daily (that lines the bottom of your bird’s cage), you have an eye for bad sponsors and impostors You are the Vanilla Cop.
W.C. Fields (speedchuck)
You may hate children and you may hate dogs, but you aren’t a bad guy, are ya fella? Nah, you’re not. A guy who likes lemonade can’t be all that bad, now can he? The folks at home hope you like vanilla and civilians, because you are a Vanilla Civilian.
Freeman Gosden (Simon)
You Amos, and a Vanilla Civilian.
Charles Correll (Abigail)
You Andy. And a Vanilla Civilian.
Mel Blanc (dunya)
"Eh, what's up, doc?" You may be the man of a thousand voices, but you aren’t a doctor or anything of the sort. Mel, you’ve been a Maxwell automobile, a violin teacher, a parrot, a polar bear named Carmichael, and even a little Mexican, but this time around, you’re a Vanilla Civilian.
Dinah Shore (Elohcin)
Dinah Shore! You believe in the three Bs: Barrelhouse, Boogie-Woogie, and the Blues. You are “Mademoiselle Dinah ‘Diva’ Shore,” who starts a fire by rubbing two notes together! And on top of all that, you are a Vanilla Civilian!
Bob Hope (Spacedaisy)
Bob, you are a master of one-liners and self-depreciating humor. You are also a Vanilla Civilian.
George Burns (MovingPictures07)
Have a cigar, George. While college fraternities may not have appreciated you breaking up Guy Lombardo’s “Thirty Minutes of the Sweetest Music This Side of Heaven” with your routines, you eventually showed them! Still, you are but a Vanilla Civilian.
William Conrad (Marmot)
"I'm that man, Matt Dillon, United States Marshal -- the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It's a chancy job, and it makes a man watchful . . . and a little lonely." You are the voice of Marshall Matt Dillon, who may make Gunsmoke, but you do so as a Vanilla Civilian.
Virginia Gregg (Kylemii)
You’ve met Sam Spade, Joe Friday, Marshall Matt Dillon, and even Jack Benny. You’re a real Jill-of-all-Trades, which makes you the perfect Vanilla Civilian.
Mafia
Orson Welles (DrWilgy)
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows! And so do you, because you are the Mafia One-shot Janitor.
Edgar Bergen (Made)
You are the puppeteer in charge of Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd. You are a witty ventriloquist and capable of making other people look guilty. You are a Mafia Goon.
Gracie Allen (RadicalFuzz)
You can’t figure out if you are George Burns’ straight man or not. One thing is for sure- you aren’t playing straight. You are a Mafia Goon.
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