The Syndicate

Beautiful, thanks!

Lost another student.

Heart attack. Good kid. Had her last year. Always said hello to me when she passed by.

really sorry to hear that epi

That’s terrible, and at such a young age. My condolensces.

so one of my best friends, someone i've known for about 9 years and who helped me navigate through my 20s, and i spoke to almost every day, has been missing for 6 days. he usually tells me when he's going to be away "hey, d, i'll be gone from monday till friday, don't you go thinking i'm ignoring you". he didn't tell me. he hasn't answered my calls or texts because his phone is switched off, hasn't logged online at all or checked his emails, and i can't even get a hold of him at work (no one picks up the damn phone).

every time i think about it i cry tbh. and maybe he had to travel for work unexpectedly and forgot to tell me, but i panic, i worry, that's just who i am.

i haven't been sleeping or eating, and just trying to distract myself but the longer this goes on, the worse i feel.

i've reached out to some of his friends too, but no responses.

he's not on "social media" so forget checking up on him through facebook friends.

and he lives in california, so i can't easily check up on him in person either.

when he gets back to me he's going to think i'm a lunatic, but that's ok. i'm gonna stay inherently sad until that day.

I've been feeling rather sick, tired, and depressed lately. I could use some encouragement.

leetic wrote: ↑Wed Mar 20, 2019 6:39 pm I've been feeling rather sick, tired, and depressed lately. I could use some encouragement.

i am no stranger to those feelings when i was your age, and even today. if you would like to talk to me, pm me any time. i have some good coping mechanisms i can share and i'm a pretty empathetic listener.

he was admitted to hospital with pneumonia. he is home today and getting a lot more needed rest.

I'm sorry to hear he got sick, but that sounds like things are on the upswing.

My roommate decided that 4 AM is an appropriate time to do laundry. The washing machine is loud and on the opposite side of my bedroom wall. I was sleeping soundly.

He just moved in with me a month ago because he couldn’t get along with his previous roommate. I wonder why. He moves out again when the semester ends in a week and a half. I am counting down the days.

Sloonei wrote: ↑Mon May 06, 2019 4:31 am My roommate decided that 4 AM is an appropriate time to do laundry. The washing machine is loud and on the opposite side of my bedroom wall. I was sleeping soundly.

He just moved in with me a month ago because he couldn’t get along with his previous roommate. I wonder why. He moves out again when the semester ends in a week and a half. I am counting down the days.

Ask Eloh about her smoothie making suitemates sometime.

Or don't. Her eyebrow twitches.

Epignosis wrote: ↑Mon May 06, 2019 7:52 pm

Sloonei wrote: ↑Mon May 06, 2019 4:31 am My roommate decided that 4 AM is an appropriate time to do laundry. The washing machine is loud and on the opposite side of my bedroom wall. I was sleeping soundly.

He just moved in with me a month ago because he couldn’t get along with his previous roommate. I wonder why. He moves out again when the semester ends in a week and a half. I am counting down the days.

Ask Eloh about her smoothie making suitemates sometime.

Or don't. Her eyebrow twitches.

Hey, my roommate makes smoothies too! His juicer contraption takes up an entire counter all to itself, and whenever he uses it he cleans it immediately and manages to soak the entire kitchen floor. Daily.

He's made me a more productive student though. Since he moved in I've been spending entire days with my nose buried in books at the library just to get out of the house. Like this afternoon. I've nearly finished one of my final papers a week early.

I have meetings with some new housamates this weekend. One of them is an aeronautical engineer who describes himself as OCD clean and only wants someone who can't live somewhere that isn't spotlessly clean. I cannot wait to meet him and see my future living space. I'll be sure to ask him some essential questions like what time he does his laundry and if he has a smoothie maker. Any other questions I should ask before co-signing a lease?

dunya wrote: ↑Wed May 08, 2019 5:24 pm I have meetings with some new housamates this weekend. One of them is an aeronautical engineer who describes himself as OCD clean and only wants someone who can't live somewhere that isn't spotlessly clean. I cannot wait to meet him and see my future living space. I'll be sure to ask him some essential questions like what time he does his laundry and if he has a smoothie maker. Any other questions I should ask before co-signing a lease?

Ask him who invented the plane

If he says Santos Dumont he's trustworthy.

If he says Wright Brothers he's a hack.

Dragon D. Luffy wrote: ↑Wed May 08, 2019 5:43 pm

dunya wrote: ↑Wed May 08, 2019 5:24 pm I have meetings with some new housamates this weekend. One of them is an aeronautical engineer who describes himself as OCD clean and only wants someone who can't live somewhere that isn't spotlessly clean. I cannot wait to meet him and see my future living space. I'll be sure to ask him some essential questions like what time he does his laundry and if he has a smoothie maker. Any other questions I should ask before co-signing a lease?

Ask him who invented the plane

If he says Santos Dumont he's trustworthy.

If he says Wright Brothers he's a hack.

I literally sent you a screenshot of this lmao.

dunya wrote: ↑Wed May 08, 2019 5:24 pm I have meetings with some new housamates this weekend. One of them is an aeronautical engineer who describes himself as OCD clean and only wants someone who can't live somewhere that isn't spotlessly clean. I cannot wait to meet him and see my future living space. I'll be sure to ask him some essential questions like what time he does his laundry and if he has a smoothie maker. Any other questions I should ask before co-signing a lease?

My roommate also likes to talk loudly on his phone at length at various times throughout the day. I'd ask about that.
He also closes the bathroom doors even when no one's in there. He'll occasionally also leave the lights on because it's good to give the illusion that the bathroom is constantly in use, for some reason. Make sure you discuss the bathroom's open door policy.

I don't have a roommate.

I have a family.

Sloonei wrote: ↑Wed May 08, 2019 10:30 pm

dunya wrote: ↑Wed May 08, 2019 5:24 pm I have meetings with some new housamates this weekend. One of them is an aeronautical engineer who describes himself as OCD clean and only wants someone who can't live somewhere that isn't spotlessly clean. I cannot wait to meet him and see my future living space. I'll be sure to ask him some essential questions like what time he does his laundry and if he has a smoothie maker. Any other questions I should ask before co-signing a lease?

My roommate also likes to talk loudly on his phone at length at various times throughout the day. I'd ask about that.
He also closes the bathroom doors even when no one's in there. He'll occasionally also leave the lights on because it's good to give the illusion that the bathroom is constantly in use, for some reason. Make sure you discuss the bathroom's open door policy.

All good questions, but cancelling the spotlessly clean meeting with the aeronautical engineer. After I goofed around and asked him who invented the airplane like DDL said (and he didn't answer correctly ftr), he asked me if I'm a skirts or jeans girl? Like wtf kind of question is that? I guess my assumption that he's a clean freak because he hides evidence of all the amazingly beautiful women he's murdered is correct. Cancelling that meeting. I still have one with a 3D animator who describes himself as a shy hermit and another with an accountant who says he's never home cos he's always training after work (table tennis and squash, he rotates). The latter sounds ideal, the former just sounds like he'll always be home.

Epignosis wrote: ↑Wed May 08, 2019 10:34 pm I don't have a roommate.

I have a family.

Way to rub salt in my ever growing wound.

(just kidding)

(or am I?)

dunya wrote: ↑Thu May 09, 2019 11:13 am

Sloonei wrote: ↑Wed May 08, 2019 10:30 pm

dunya wrote: ↑Wed May 08, 2019 5:24 pm I have meetings with some new housamates this weekend. One of them is an aeronautical engineer who describes himself as OCD clean and only wants someone who can't live somewhere that isn't spotlessly clean. I cannot wait to meet him and see my future living space. I'll be sure to ask him some essential questions like what time he does his laundry and if he has a smoothie maker. Any other questions I should ask before co-signing a lease?

My roommate also likes to talk loudly on his phone at length at various times throughout the day. I'd ask about that.
He also closes the bathroom doors even when no one's in there. He'll occasionally also leave the lights on because it's good to give the illusion that the bathroom is constantly in use, for some reason. Make sure you discuss the bathroom's open door policy.

All good questions, but cancelling the spotlessly clean meeting with the aeronautical engineer. After I goofed around and asked him who invented the airplane like DDL said (and he didn't answer correctly ftr), he asked me if I'm a skirts or jeans girl? Like wtf kind of question is that? I guess my assumption that he's a clean freak because he hides evidence of all the amazingly beautiful women he's murdered is correct. Cancelling that meeting. I still have one with a 3D animator who describes himself as a shy hermit and another with an accountant who says he's never home cos he's always training after work (table tennis and squash, he rotates). The latter sounds ideal, the former just sounds like he'll always be home.

Jeez, that dude scum slipped IRL.

Sloonei wrote: ↑Thu May 09, 2019 11:18 am

dunya wrote: ↑Thu May 09, 2019 11:13 am

Sloonei wrote: ↑Wed May 08, 2019 10:30 pm

dunya wrote: ↑Wed May 08, 2019 5:24 pm I have meetings with some new housamates this weekend. One of them is an aeronautical engineer who describes himself as OCD clean and only wants someone who can't live somewhere that isn't spotlessly clean. I cannot wait to meet him and see my future living space. I'll be sure to ask him some essential questions like what time he does his laundry and if he has a smoothie maker. Any other questions I should ask before co-signing a lease?

My roommate also likes to talk loudly on his phone at length at various times throughout the day. I'd ask about that.
He also closes the bathroom doors even when no one's in there. He'll occasionally also leave the lights on because it's good to give the illusion that the bathroom is constantly in use, for some reason. Make sure you discuss the bathroom's open door policy.

All good questions, but cancelling the spotlessly clean meeting with the aeronautical engineer. After I goofed around and asked him who invented the airplane like DDL said (and he didn't answer correctly ftr), he asked me if I'm a skirts or jeans girl? Like wtf kind of question is that? I guess my assumption that he's a clean freak because he hides evidence of all the amazingly beautiful women he's murdered is correct. Cancelling that meeting. I still have one with a 3D animator who describes himself as a shy hermit and another with an accountant who says he's never home cos he's always training after work (table tennis and squash, he rotates). The latter sounds ideal, the former just sounds like he'll always be home.

Jeez, that dude scum slipped IRL.

He fell for DDL's trap.

Wow my innocent joke had some big ramifications.

Guys I'm on a big crossroads moment here.

3 years ago I had just graduated in Aeronautical Engineering and I got a job at the field. It was a simple trainee job at a small company (15 people), but I enjoyed it. Learned a lot of cool new stuff and worked with nice people. I had been in doubts about my affinity with the field before, but after working in that job I realized I enjoy it, even if I'm not really crazy about planes.

The problem was the time outside work. In the 16 months I spent there I didn't make a single friend, let alone girlfriend. The people from work never called me to do things outside work either. My life was work-home-work-home-etc. I'm not a very sociable guy, so I have trouble making friends unless they are already part of some group I have to go to. Around the end of my time there, I started having moments of sadness which today I believe were the start of a depression.

Then in the end of 2017 I got fired and moved back to my parents' house. Now, I don't enjoy being unemployed. It sucks. But damn if my mental health didn't improve from that. I started doing ballroom dancing classes, then an MBA, and now I started a second graduation at Production Engineering. My mom says I look happier now.

As for the graduation, the goal is to add a major to my CV that doesn't sound extremely specialized, because it seems no one hires Aero Engineers if the company doesn't specifically make planes. While Production is Management, and Management is needed everywhere.

I'm really enjoying it. I haven't quite gotten a group to go out all the time yet but I'm making a lot of friends so that is going to happen soon. The uni is a breeze. And in the last two months I went to hiring proccesses for internships at 4 companies, all of them multi-national, which is more than Aero has ever given me.

Now fast forward to today, and I'm going to do the final stage of a proccess for an internship at Volvo, in a town about 30km (20 mi) from here. It's 7 candidates for 4 spots so my chances are great. The job is related to using ERP/SAP systems to organize materials, which is something I've noticed is really demanded in the job market. I'm really excited for it. But it's an internship so the pay is pretty low, and doesn't count as a real job for law purposes.

But... yesterday I just got called to work at another Aero company, in the same city as the previous one. It's a bigger one (about 300 people). The pay is a little higher than before, but not high enough for me to save any money, considering I have to pay for my MBA. I'll prrtty much work to eat. Meanwhile, in the Volvo internship, while I don't know the pay, I estimate it's about 35% of the other company's net monthly pay (ignoring the fact it's a 30h/w job instead of 40). But... living in my parents house means the expenses are much, much lower, so if you take them into account, the two jobs are likely to leave me with the same amount of money left, which is almost zero.

A bunch of things have to be considered. I don't LOVE either Aero or Production engineering, but I enjoy both. Volvo offers a 30% probability of hiring me after the 2 year internship, but most importantly, an experience in something that doesn't make companies reject me for being over-specialized, something that could bite me in the ass in the future if I get the Aero job and it doesn't last again. But the Aero company is a real job. And I feel like it's my obligation to get a real job at this point of my life, not come back to uni and start over. But I already came back to uni, anyway.

Another question is why I got alone and depressed in that city. Everyone I know who went there says the city is colder than usual. Like, it feels less like Brazil and more like USA/Europe, with people being more formal and less sociable. True, but I'm an introvert who has always found it difficult to make friends, so I don't know to what extent what happened to me is the city's fault, or a consequence of my personality. And this time around I could keep doing uni at night, so maybe that would solve my problem. Even though my father will have to help me fiancially because I seriously can't pay for MBA + uni + living expenses with that salary (but father is paying for uni now so that won't change).

This shit is killing me inside. My heart says take Volvo, but my sense of duty tells me to take the Aero job and progress my career, not stall it. There is also the fact one is a job offer and the other, just a possibility. I can wait for maybe a week before giving the Aero job an answer, but if I don't have an answer from Volvo yet, I risk saying "no" and then being left with nothing later. Then again, I got FOUR job interviews in two months, something unimaginable in the small and limited Aero field, so I think getting an internship near my home city is job a matter of time.

If you read everything so far, thank you. That was me trying to summarize a very complicated stage of my life. I have a bunch of forces fighting in my head. The job security risks of each job, and how much I want to stay close to my family, and duty, and my mental health. And the fact Brazil is in an endless recession so jobs are hard to come by. I dunno. I'm stalling for now, but I'll need to come up with an answer soon.

Ooof, that's a tough spot to be in. My advice would be to follow your heart and what's best for you mentally/emotionally, and try not to get too caught up in worrying about the future-- it'll fall into place however it's supposed to. I don't think you'd be lacking in future opportunities either way, since you're a really smart guy with diverse talents. Do what feels more "right" but don't be afraid to go a little bit out of your comfort zone since maybe change is what you need. I don't know if this is helpful at all but best of luck

DDL - Who do you feel an obligation to that makes you feel like you need to take the job? I would suggest your only obligation is to yourself and your future self. When I read through your post, the answer I see being the best for you shines in giant letters, so I'm obviously missing a piece and I think it's in the question I ask. I agree wholeheartedly with Nutella, look at what's best for your emotional health and your future.

It's more like I've spent so long in this field. I entered uni in 2010 ffs. And it was the #1 institution of Latin America, very hard to get in. Feels weird to just drop everything. Like, you expect to finish uni and go work on the stufd you just learned.

Not to say the time until now was wasted, since I gained a bunch of life experience, but it's a more feeling thing.

Right now, if Volvo calls me (and that's looking likely since I just nearly aced their Excel test), I will probably take their offer. I know that's what I want the most. But if Volvo does not call me and the choice is between going to the Aero job or just staying here and prolonguing unemployment, then I dunno.

Also I'm being sustained by my parents and they keep saying they don't mind it as long as I'm busy with something. But I have that nagging feelings I might be abusing their goodwill. Then again, if I go work outside, I'll srill have to be sustained by them partially, so that argument doesn't hold well rarionally.

But thanks girls, you are great.

I said no to the job offer.

The guy making the offer called me while I was still in bed (I know it was him because of the area code). I realized I had to give him an answer soon. So I emailed him telling I refuse the offer.

Yesterday I went to uni and spent hours hanging out with friends and making plans to go out. I can't abandon all of that just because of two words in my diploma.

Now I guess I'll have to gamble on Volvo wanting me.

I think you made the right call.

Mental health and following the heart > following a duty you don’t have to follow. Everybody goes through life and achieves milestones at a different pace as you get older — that’s perfectly okay.

And if it doesn’t work out with Volvo, like you said, you didn’t seem to have trouble getting this round of interviews, so there’s plenty to still do.

Yes DDL I agree with Colin. I'm glad you didn't take that job. I think you'll be happier long term with your choice.

Thanks again, guys. I still don't know if this was the right call, after all I don't kid when I say Brazil's economy right now is in a recession. The news you see every day are apocalyptical.

But a decision is a decision, I need to deal with the consequences of it, whatever they are.

If you don't have a wife and children, do what you must and whatever you feel like. You can prioritize your personal happiness.

If you have dependents, you make the doughnuts.

I had the choice today in taking the easy path, which would have been the safe and prudent route, or doing the right thing.

I did The Right Thing. The fallout is going to be intense and volcanic but I’m putting up shields like I’m the 299 Spartans.

Holy moly Alison, but good for you doing the right thing. I used Spike Lee's iconic phrase many times at work when managers would ask me which alternative they should pursue - do the right thing. Most always the hardest thing. So Kudos.

At what point do I begin to assume that a contractor made off with my money? I’m a nice guy, but I’m starting to feel foolish. This contractor did good work for my parents, my grandmother, and my sister. They all recommended him to me for re-doing our deck. Last August, we signed a contract, got a date range scheduled, and paid him for the materials up front like most contractors require around here.

Two weeks before our build window hits, he breaks a rib and asks for a few weeks to heal because his doctor said he had to scale back on the hard physical labor until his rib is better again. That drifts into November and we agree to shelve to project until the spring because the ground is getting too hard to dig and we don’t need to use a deck in the cold PA winter.

Come spring I play email tag with the guy every couple of weeks. Each time, he apologizes and says he’s still catching up on all the work he had to postpone while recovering. He says he’s been doing work in the mountains, so he doesn’t have good cell reception and his voicemails and emails don’t come through until days after the fact.

It’s now been 11 months since we wrote him a check and he’s still hard to get ahold of. I told my wife that I’m almost ready to show up at his front door (his home address is on contract). Out of curiosity, I checked Zillow this afternoon. He sold his house in April. His phone number doesn’t even have a recorded message on it anymore. The last email I got from him was two weeks ago.

Is the fact that he has continued to email me a good sign and perhaps I should just cool it on the paranoia? Or am I, for some reason, the guy this contractor has chosen to play for a sucker?

Email, and be frank with him. Tell him you feel like a sucker, and that you expect your money back, or a deck.

Get your parents, grandmother, and sister to email him.

Those fail, and you can threaten a lawsuit.

I don't think you are without a paddle here. You don't have to be the nice guy, you have to be the assertive guy.

It's possible he doesn't actually intend to play you and he really got into a situation where he is incapable of delivering his part of the deal for whatever reason, but he's ashamed to admit that. Even then, that's none of your business. Time to be assertive, like LC said.

Thankfully, my paranoia was just that. I currently have a large dirt patch where our old deck used to be.

G-Man wrote: ↑Tue Aug 06, 2019 9:09 pm Thankfully, my paranoia was just that. I currently have a large dirt patch where our old deck used to be.

That's great G-man glad it is working out for you.

G-Man wrote: ↑Tue Aug 06, 2019 9:09 pm Thankfully, my paranoia was just that. I currently have a large dirt patch where our old deck used to be.

Three and a half weeks later and I still have a large dirt patch where our old deck used to be.

Hope it doesn't become a grave site.

Epignosis wrote: ↑Thu Aug 29, 2019 6:38 pm Hope it doesn't become a grave site.

Nah, I want the guy to build the new deck before I kill him for taking so long.

Found out the other day that financial aid only granted me $500 out of the $3000 I need that isn’t covered under my Military Tuition Assistance and scholarship. It was covered completely last academic school year so that’s why I was surprised. So I called and asked about paying it back and am stuck on either paying the $2500 now or waiting until I’m out of the military since my contract ends this upcoming June.

By that time I’ll be out, done with this second academic year, and switching my degree from the associates to the bachelors. I’ll also be using my Post 9/11 GI Bill to pay for what I estimated is the entirety of my tuition cost. I was hoping if I just waited it out until then that the gi bill would cover that owed cost but the school won’t give me an answer. The school did say however that I don’t get any late fees or interest accrued on the cost for the year, and I don’t have a time limit to pay it back.

So I’m just in a pickle whether I should foot the bill now or not. I’ll keep receiving emails saying I owe money but from what I’ve been told no consequence will happen if I don’t pay immediately. It’s not a matter if I can or not (I have the money) it’s just that’s a lot of money. Enough to cover one year of my life insurance policy, equal to one month of deployment pay, or two months stateside.

sprityo wrote: ↑Mon Sep 23, 2019 5:24 am Found out the other day that financial aid only granted me $500 out of the $3000 I need that isn’t covered under my Military Tuition Assistance and scholarship. It was covered completely last academic school year so that’s why I was surprised. So I called and asked about paying it back and am stuck on either paying the $2500 now or waiting until I’m out of the military since my contract ends this upcoming June.

By that time I’ll be out, done with this second academic year, and switching my degree from the associates to the bachelors. I’ll also be using my Post 9/11 GI Bill to pay for what I estimated is the entirety of my tuition cost. I was hoping if I just waited it out until then that the gi bill would cover that owed cost but the school won’t give me an answer. The school did say however that I don’t get any late fees or interest accrued on the cost for the year, and I don’t have a time limit to pay it back.

So I’m just in a pickle whether I should foot the bill now or not. I’ll keep receiving emails saying I owe money but from what I’ve been told no consequence will happen if I don’t pay immediately. It’s not a matter if I can or not (I have the money) it’s just that’s a lot of money. Enough to cover one year of my life insurance policy, equal to one month of deployment pay, or two months stateside.

Sprityo I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. Our military men and women deserve a tuition free education and if for some reason you can't get it this semester you at least deserve some answers from the school.

I would make sure if I were you that paying the bill late won't affect your credit score because that score follows you around and affects other credit you may need (a credit car, another car, a house, etc.). I know it's hard to think about depleting your savings, especially if thats cash you have set aside for emergencies. I would be tempted to wait it out and see if the GI bill will cover it if your credit won't be affected. Can someone at OPM or whoever runs the GI bill program answer your question or just the school?

i could try looking online, but the process is always convoluted when dealing with schooling. It will save me a headache to just pay it off

Hello vomit, my old friend
You’ve come to haunt me once again
And now my daughter who was sleeping
Freshly bathed but she’s still weeping
And the foul stench that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Two extra loads of laundry

That's gross. I hope your girls are okay. I do want to hear about your deck though. Any news?

Epignosis wrote: ↑Wed Oct 16, 2019 11:56 pm That's gross. I hope your girls are okay. I do want to hear about your deck though. Any news?

The good news: the deck is 90% complete.

The bad news: it’s been 90% complete for three weeks.

G-Man wrote: ↑Fri Oct 18, 2019 3:56 pm

Epignosis wrote: ↑Wed Oct 16, 2019 11:56 pm That's gross. I hope your girls are okay. I do want to hear about your deck though. Any news?

The good news: the deck is 90% complete.

The bad news: it’s been 90% complete for three weeks.

Better than being 30% complete for 9 weeks.

Here’s what I texted the contractor at sundown:

Over the last year, and particularly these past five months, we have been exceedingly patient. But like all good things, our patience has come to an end. After yet another broken promise (you said you would finish the deck by today) in a long line of setbacks, delays, and missed deadlines, I have no choice left but to assume that our project is not a priority for you. Please prove me wrong.