The Syndicate

Metalmarsh89 wrote:What kind of sick fucko would join the bandwagon of a self-voter?

But you haven't self-voted.

A Person wrote:[ded]sad face[/ded]

The word is actually "smote."

I can't believe I'm voting Lizzy over eggs.

A mailman was retiring after 30 years of service on the same route.

Many residents gave him gifts for his retirement.

One resident gave him a bottle of expensive whiskey.

Another gave him a humidor filled with fine cigars.

At the end of the route, however, as he was delivering the mail, Lizzy approached him wearing a very skimpy outfit. She invited him inside and he spent the night with her.

The next morning, the mailman awoke to the smell of breakfast. He went downstairs.

"This is for you," Lizzy said.

It was an envelope. Inside was a five dollar bill.

"What's this for?" the astonished mail carrier asked.

"It's yours," Lizzy said.

"But why?"

Lizzy rolled her eyes as she finished the eggs. "I told my husband you were retiring and asked what to do about it. He said 'Fuck him. Give him $5.'"

Turnip Head wrote:Vompatti has been lynched. He was Kate Upton.

A new Smiter has risen. Night 2 ends eventually.

What a boob.

Metalmarsh89 wrote:That's a cute story Epi.

Now I need to decide who to vote for.

A Person wrote:seven inches and 85 lbs is impressive

Which is more than you can say about the voter turnout.

Vompatti, Russtifinko, and Turnip Head died and went to hell.

Upon arrival, they found themselves in a vast, fiery corridor. The devil led them down it and stopped in front of a door. It opened.

Within was a 3'5" woman with hairy feet, yellow teeth, a runny nose and a smoker's cough. Her hair was matted or missing altogether in some places. She weighed 200 lbs. The stench of stale alcohol came from her pores.

The devil announced, "Vompatti, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend eternity in bed with this!"

The remaining two followed the devil down the corridor. They stopped in front of another door. It opened.

Within was a 7" woman who weighed 85 lbs. She had no teeth and a large nose. She had garish, painted on eyebrows. She was missing two toes on her left foot. You could smell her body odor over the brimstone.

"Russtifinko, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend eternity in bed with this!"

After that, Turnip Head feared the worst. The devil led him to his door. It opened.

Within was Kate Upton, wearing a skimpy bikini and nothing else. Delighted, Turnip Head went in.

"Kate, you have sinned!"

Damn, I don't even like black space. White space is far superior.

insertnamehere wrote:

Epignosis wrote:omgipostastringoffukkinmispeldwurdsandimfunny

If you know what I mean.

omgarentmizzpeeledworedsthemostfuunneesttingevar?







































































































































if you know what I mean...

No.

omgipostastringoffukkinmispeldwurdsandimfunny

If you know what I mean.

Boogs wrote:We have a kitty killer on the loose! o_O

Felicide!

Actually, my name is Bill and I'm a head case.

bea wrote:*genius fella named Rob.

I can assure you that I am two of those three things.

Vompatti wrote:hi asl

10,000/undetermined/right behind you

insertnamehere is my #1 suspect for his Day 1 fingersplints vote.

God Of Funny wrote:

Boogs wrote:Rip Splints. Got too much wood in you... Eh,that didn't sound right...

I like your style, kid.

Thanks to all who submitted limericks. Across the board, they were all fine pieces of craftsmanship.

And yes, I am made of pizza. And no, the Paleo Diet did not work out well for me.

You are not made of pizza. You are made of toppings.

This would be like saying people are made of feet (or butts).

Sorry about the size of that pic folks. Won't happen again.

Also

You know what's funny?

There's 5 minutes to the end of this poll, and Turnip Head has no idea who is getting lynched. He has to write posts, make sure there's no mistakes, and all that nonsense, and I'm holding him up.

And I get to choose.

Boogs wrote:

Epignosis wrote:You all have one hour to make me laugh or I will kill you.

(Tap dances with a cane to kitty cha cha)

NEXT

You all have one hour to make me laugh or I will kill you.

You know what's funny? Letting me decide who dies.

Who killed no one?

This group of "comedians."

insertnamehere wrote:

Epignosis wrote:

insertnamehere wrote:
The trick is to apply the lube without messing up the fur. It can take years to master.

Stop being a pussy.

Come on, I may like to stick dildos up animal's assholes, but I try to be y'know, nice about it.

I think you missed the joke I made. I shan't make many of them, especially if you're going to channel Bob Saget.

insertnamehere wrote:

Boogs wrote:

insertnamehere wrote:

Boogs wrote:

insertnamehere wrote:I don't have food, beer, women, or surprises, but if there's one thing I do have, it's dildos.

Cats like me can't use dildos

I know from experience that they can.

Hmmm I need some tips then.

The trick is to apply the lube without messing up the fur. It can take years to master.

Stop being a pussy.