Hmm. Bit awkward, this.
Shortly afterwards, John – standing in the centre of the living room at 221B – lowers his own phone from his ear and switches it off. He turns to Sherlock who is now sitting in his armchair.
JOHN: So, still got some friends on the Force. It’s Lestrade. Says they’re all coming over here right now, queuing up to slap on the handcuffs: every single officer you ever made feel like a tit, which is a lot of people.
(Sherlock appears to be taking no notice of him, and now Mrs Hudson knocks on the closed living room door with her customary “Ooh-ooh!” and then comes in. She apparently feels the tension in the room.)
MRS HUDSON: Oh, sorry, am I interrupting?
(Sherlock rolls his eyes and looks away. She turns her attention to John.)
MRS HUDSON: Some chap delivered a parcel. I forgot. Marked ‘Perishable’ – I had to sign for it.
(John takes the Jiffy bag from her and immediately realizes that there’s a wax seal over the flap. Sherlock looks across and also sees the seal.)
MRS HUDSON: Funny name. German, like the fairytales.
(Sherlock rises to his feet and walks forward, his gaze intense and locked on the Jiffy bag as John opens it and pulls out the contents. Outside, the sirens of several different vehicles are approaching. In John’s hand is a large gingerbread man but it’s an unusual colour. He tilts it so that Sherlock can see it better.)
SHERLOCK: Burnt to a crisp.
(The sirens stop as the vehicles pull up outside, and doors start to slam as people get out of the cars.)
JOHN (referring to the burnt gingerbread man): What does it mean?
(The doorbell rings and at the same time someone pounds on the front door knocker.)
VOICE: Police!
MRS HUDSON: I’ll go.
(She turns and hurries down the stairs as someone continues to knock on the door. Voices can be heard as she opens the door.)
DONOVAN (offscreen): Sherlock ...
LESTRADE (offscreen): Evening, Mrs Hudson.
DONOVAN (calling up the stairs): We need to talk to you!
(John puts the gingerbread man back into the envelope and puts it on the table before heading out of the flat. Downstairs, Mrs Hudson sounds angry.)
MRS HUDSON (offscreen): Don’t barge in like that!
(Feet can be heard trotting up the stairs. Calmly Sherlock turns around and picks up his scarf and loops it around his neck. John is apparently blocking the stairs halfway up.)
JOHN (offscreen): Have you got a warrant? Have you?
LESTRADE (offscreen): Leave it, John.
MRS HUDSON (offscreen): Really! Manners!
(Sherlock puts his coat on. Shortly afterwards Greg stands in front of him and reads him his rights while one of two armed officers attaches handcuffs to his left wrist.)
LESTRADE: Sherlock Holmes, I’m arresting you on suspicion of abduction and kidnapping.
(John gestures towards Sherlock while looking at Greg as the officer pulls Sherlock’s left hand behind his back in order to cuff his other wrist.)
JOHN: He’s not resisting.
SHERLOCK: It’s all right, John.
JOHN: He’s not resisting. No, it’s not all right. This is ridiculous.
LESTRADE (to the officer who just handcuffed Sherlock): Get him downstairs now.
(The officer spins Sherlock around and marches him out of the door. Mrs Hudson stands nearby almost in tears.)
JOHN (to Greg): You know you don’t have to do ...
LESTRADE (getting into his face and pointing at him sternly): Don’t try to interfere, or I shall arrest you too.
(He turns and leaves the room. John turns to Sally who is standing near the door.)
JOHN: You done?
DONOVAN (looking smug and oh-so-very punchable as she walks into the room): Oh, I said it.
JOHN: Mmm-hmm?
DONOVAN: First time we met.
JOHN: Don’t bother.
DONOVAN: “Solving crimes won’t be enough. One day he’ll cross the line.” Now, ask yourself: what sort of man would kidnap those kids just so he can impress us all by finding them?
(Mrs Hudson gasps. Just then the Chief Superintendant walks in.)
CHIEF SUPERINTENDANT: Donovan.
DONOVAN: Sir.
CHIEF SUPERINTENDANT: Got our man?
DONOVAN: Er, yes, sir.
CHIEF SUPERINTENDANT: Looked a bit of a weirdo, if you ask me.
(John turns towards him.)
CHIEF SUPERINTENDANT: Often are, these vigilante types.
(He has been looking around the living room as he spoke but now he turns and sees John staring at him.)
CHIEF SUPERINTENDANT: What are you looking at?
A minute or two later, the Chief Superintendant walks out onto the street holding a handkerchief to his bleeding nose.
POLICE OFFICER: Are you all right, sir?
(Nearby, Sherlock has been leaned against the side of a police car, facing it. Now John is slammed up against the car next to him and to his left. Sherlock looks across to him with an amused expression on his face.)
SHERLOCK: Joining me?
JOHN: Yeah. Apparently it’s against the law to chin the Chief Superintendant.
(Behind them, a couple of armed officers unlock the cuff on Sherlock’s right hand and transfer it to John’s right wrist, chaining the boys together. Sherlock looks over his shoulder, watching what the officers are doing and where they’re standing.)
SHERLOCK (to John): Hmm. Bit awkward, this.
JOHN: Huh. No-one to bail us.
SHERLOCK: I was thinking more about our imminent and daring escape.
(He looks down at the radio lying on the dashboard of the car they’re leaning against. The radio squeals as the dispatcher speaks.)
RADIO DISPATCHER: All units to two-seven.
(John looks round at Sherlock’s previous statement.)
JOHN: What?
RADIO DISPATCHER: All units to two ...
(Rapidly Sherlock reaches through the open window of the car with his free hand and presses down on the Talk button. Instantly the officer behind the boys doubles over in pain and grabs at his earpiece as a high-pitched squeal of feedback rips through it. Sherlock reaches behind him and pulls the officer’s pistol free, instantly raising it. As it’s in his left hand, John’s shackled right hand is yanked upwards as well and he gasps in surprise at the rapid turn of events. Sherlock calls out as he aims the pistol towards the nearest officers.)
SHERLOCK: Ladies and gentlemen, will you all please get on your knees?
(When nobody reacts very quickly, Sherlock raises the gun skywards and fires it twice.)
SHERLOCK: NOW would be good!
(He lowers it and points it at the police again.)
LESTRADE: Do as he says!
(He gestures everybody downwards and all the police start to kneel. The boys start to back away.)
JOHN (loudly): Just-just so you’re aware, the gun is his idea. I’m just a ... you know ...
(Sherlock transfers the pistol to his right hand and promptly aims it at John’s head.)
SHERLOCK (loudly): ... my hostage.
(John gasps.)
JOHN (quietly, to Sherlock): Hostage! Yes, that works – that works(!)
(They continue backing away from the kneeling police. Behind them and probably unnoticed in all the excitement, a new piece of artistic graffiti has been sprayed on the wall of the house on the street corner. In red paint, huge letters spelling out “iou” are at least three feet high and are surrounded by an elaborate dark set of angel’s wings. The boys begin to back carefully around the corner.)
JOHN: So what now?
SHERLOCK: Doing what Moriarty wants – I’m becoming a fugitive. Run.
(He turns and begins to race off down the road, dragging John with him. Back at the police cars, Greg buries his head in his hands. The Chief Superintendant gets to his feet and turns to him.)
CHIEF SUPERINTENDANT: Get after him, Lestrade!
(Greg glares furiously at Sally as she begins to head in the direction the boys have gone. Greg is a lot slower in getting moving. Around the corner as the boys run along side by side, Sherlock loops the loose chain between their handcuffs around his wrist.)
SHERLOCK: Take my hand.
JOHN (grabbing his hand as they race onwards): Now people will definitely talk.
(Sirens are approaching at the junction ahead of them. Sherlock swerves to his left and drops the pistol in the process. It clatters to the ground.)
JOHN: The gun!
SHERLOCK: Leave it!
