[WALRUS] MyChildrenAreHorriblerus

[Epignosis]

Queen Pink Categories:

1. A Suicide Song. A song about killing yourself.
2. An Art Song. A song that inspires you to make art.
3. A Timeless Song. A song that no matter how much your hear it it never gets old.
4. A Treasure Song. A song that represents your treasure.

motobot Categories:

5. Alcoholism. I want a song that reminds me of people with alcohol addiction.
6. Crime. A Song about crime.
7. School. A Song that makes you think about school.
8. Food. A Song that makes you want food.

PM your links to me here, and let's try to have them by 12/30.

Scores

MacDougall =_______ 7.0 + 8.5 + 8.5 + 4.5 + 6.0 + 6.0 + 4.0 + 0 = 44.5
Marmot =___________ 7.0 + 5.5 + 9.0 + 4.0 + 6.0 + 9.0 + 7.0 + 0 = 47.5
G-Man =____________ 7.0 + 7.0 + 5.0 + 6.0 + 5.0 + 6.5 + 6.5 + 0 = 43
nutella =__________ 6.0 + 5.5 + 8.0 + 8.0 + 7.5 + 7.0 + 6.5 + 0 = 48.5
nijuukyugou =______ 7.0 + 6.0 + 7.0 + 3.5 + 6.5 + 7.5 + 6.0 + 0 = 43.5
Boomslang =________ 5.0 + 6.0 + 5.5 + 7.0 + 7.0 + 5.0 + 6.5 + 0 = 42
MyNameisNothing =__ 7.5 + 5.5 + 3.0 + 3.0 + 6.5 + 6.0 + 7.5 + 0 = 39
dunya = ___________ 6.0 + 6.5 + 2.5 + 8.0 + 8.0 + 7.5 + 6.5 + 0 = 45
Epignosis =________ 7.5 + 7.5 + 7.5 + 7.5 + 8.5 + 7.5 + 7.0 + 0 = 53
TonyStarkPrime =___ 5.5 + 4.0 + 3.5 + 6.5 + 5.5 + 7.5 + 7.5 + 0 = 40
birdwithteeth11 =__ 2.0 + 4.0 + 1.0 + 6.5 + 4.0 + 5.0 + 2.0 + 0 = 24.5

[Marmot]

What is the context of these lists?

[nutella]

What is the context of these lists?

Oh marmot you haven't joined walruses yet!!! Look at the other threads in this subforum lol and I'll invite you to the server we use for it

[Sloonei]

Oh cool! A walrus run by kids! I look forward to the good clean...

1. A Suicide Song. A song about killing yourself.

fun. Uh, well I'm sure it's going to be light and breezy

5. Alcoholism. I want a song that reminds me of people with alcohol addiction.
6. Crime. A Song about crime.

[Marmot]

What is the context of these lists?

Oh marmot you haven't joined walruses yet!!! Look at the other threads in this subforum lol and I'll invite you to the server we use for it

Thanks, the "rus" at the end of the title I'd interpreted as the same R-Us in Toys-R-Us, and couldn't make head nor tail of it.

[Syn]

this is intriguing and I am very tempted

but I couldn't for the life of me actually come up with anything for the last three cats

hrm

[MacDougall]

done

[MyNameIsNothing]

in! subbed over discord

[G-Man]

Submitted. Now, if I don’t win, I will have no choice but to take it out on my daughter, who approved these song choices.

[Epignosis]

@nutella
@MacDougall
@Turnip Head
@dunya
@MyNameIsNothing
@birdwithteeth11
@nijuukyugou
@Boomslang
@Marmot
@TonyStarkPrime
@G-Man

One of the categories shall be revealed this evening in Discord. 7pm EST.

If you were not mentioned above and should be mentioned for this, please let me know. I think this is everyone.

[Epignosis]

School

Spoiler: show

“Popular”
G-Man

Moto = 6
I liked the part where it said, “Wash your hair once every two weeks.” The “Johnny Football” part was hilarious.
QP = 8
The rapping part was really funny. I slid off my seat. And the music made me want to dance.
Epi = 7
This sounded like Deadpool shouting into a microphone.

“Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2)”
Marmot

Moto = 7
I’ve heard this song before, and I like it. The children singing part was cute. I thought the guitar and bass players were good.
QP = 7
I think it really represents the theme. All in all it was a really great song.
Epi = 7
The fade out would lose four points for me.

“Cannibal”
Turnip Head

Moto = 3
I have no words. This is horrible. I agree that the lyrics are cringe.
QP = 4
This song has a nice build up, but I’m not a big fan overall. The lyrics are cringe.
Epi = 3.5
Indigestion in audio format.

“Hot for Teacher”
TonyStarkPrime

Moto = 5
Cringe. My dad looked like he was going to poke me with a pencil when the guy said, “Give me something to write on.”
QP = 6
When I saw the name of the song, I was like “CRINGE!” And my only question was, “How young is the teacher?” And I thought the baby on the cover had a pack of crayons, not cigarettes!
Epi = 5.5
Still laughing about waving that pencil around. Not going to lie.

“Schooldays”
Epi

Moto = 7
I liked the tune of the song and how the lyrics were put together. And I also liked how it kept making you fall asleep and then waking you up. Just like school!
QP = 8
I thought it was nice and calm, it was really enchanting, and I think it’s a work of art. It made me want to make a dance to it. Gentle Giant should be really proud.
Epi = 7.5
Surprise bitches. I’m in this. Deal with it.

“A Certain Romance”
nijuukyugou

Moto = 8
The sound of the bass and the other instruments made me want to sing. I liked the lyrics.
QP = 6
I don’t really know how I feel about that one. I got this beach vibe from the music, and that I liked.
Epi = 7
That bass line. Mmm mmm mmm.

“Learning to Live”
Boomslang

Moto = 6
At first, before the lyrics started, I wanted to turn it down. But once the lyrics started, I wanted to turn it up. The drums, keyboard, and guitar sounded really harmonious together. At the end, I started to get a bit of a headache.
QP = 4
At first, I wanted to avoid listening to the song because of the length. And my first impression of it was “Oh God, I have to listen to eleven more minutes of this?” But once the words started, it got a little bit more beautiful, but it’s still not my style.
Epi = 5
As I said, I might have underappreciated this album. Will have to dig it back out.

“Campus”
Nutella

Moto = 6
I liked the guitar player. He did a good job.
QP = 6
The lyrics are realistic. The guitar really caught my attention. And I loved the drums.
Epi = 6
You got a six.

“Teenage Dirtbag”
MacDougall

Moto = 7
I didn’t like this much at first, but now it appeals to me. I like the rhymes.
QP = 7
I really enjoyed it. It was funny with the part of the girl and the Iron Maiden tickets.
Epi = 7
Jesus these kids.

“Criminals”
MyNameisNothing

Moto = 8
This song made me feel calm. I agree with my sister. I really liked it.
QP = 7
*Applause* I wanted to sing along even if I didn’t know the words. I liked the balance between the guitar and the singing. I would like to know what kind of guitar is being played.
Epi = 7.5
This has a Bob Dylan vibe, and I don’t like Bob Dylan. But I like this. Good picking. The frequencies on the vocals need attention, but whatever. Cool shit.

“Basket Case”
Dunya

Moto = 6
It was really catchy. That’s what I really liked about it. It was really catchy.
QP = 6
Well the music was kind of a hammer to the skull to me, but it was kind of catchy. And to be fair, I’m not really into rock music.
Epi = 6
Green Day will always be about a six. Feet Under.

“Everyone I Went to High School With is Dead”
birdwithteeth11

Moto = 4
What is this? *Begins laughing maniacally* My favorite part of this was laughing at my sister groaning. So I give it a 4.
QP = 0
*Seven seconds in* I hate it already. *Grimaces painfully* My least favorite part was everything. Turn it off! Turn it off!
Epi = 2
I agree kids. Walk away slowly, and then head for the hills.

[Epignosis]

Food

Spoiler: show

“Cheeseburger in Paradise”
Epi

Moto = 7
I really like the vibe. I love medium rare steak. This is reminding me of patty melts. Me likey, me likey.
QP = 8
Very groovy. I’m glad I’m eating because this song is making me hungry.
Epi = 7.5
I am not ashamed to admit that I like Jimmy Buffett.

“Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow”
Marmot

Moto = 6
My favorite part was the yellow snow part at the end. I didn’t really like it that much.
QP = 5
The backup singers brought everything together, but I didn’t like it that much.
Epi = 5.5
Actual quote from Frank Zappa about my hometown:
“For the records, folks: I never took a shit on stage, and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973.”

“PPAP”
dunia

Moto = 5
I have no words.
QP = 7
Yaaaaass. PEN PINEAPPLE APPLE PEN!
Epi = 6.5
The fact that this has three and a half million views and the entirety of Kind of Blue has less than 100,000k is a testimony to the degeneration of the world.

“Eat It”
G-Man

Moto = 7
It makes you want to throw up but at the same time is makes you want to eat. It would have been better if this was “Beat It.”
QP = 7
This song was funny. It’s like he’s the world’s parent.
Epi = 7
It would *not* have been better if this was “Beat It.” Go Al. I respect your game.

“Olives”
birdwithteeth11

Moto = 5
Sounds like something straight out of Bioshock. I can barely understand the singer with the effects. My ears are bleeding!
QP = 3
I hate olives. I hate the whole vibe with all the edited noises. Are we allowed to skip?
Epi = 4
On the one hand, I don’t care much for this. On the other, I’ve never heard this entire album and this only encourages me to check it out.

“Ice Cream Man”
TonyStarkPrime

Moto = 4
It’s rocky, a lot of screaming, and I don’t know what’s happening the song.
QP = 4
This reminded me of “Move It on Over” by George Thoroughgood and The Destroyers (Editor’s note: I had to point out who covered that, but she knew the song from the radio). It gave me a headache. I expect a song about ice cream to be calmer.
Epi = 4
RIP EVH

“The Ballad of Mr. Steak”
nutella

Moto = 5
I liked the keyboards and drums together. The singing sounded like it was too edited.
QP = 6
This is a strange combination of genres. For some reason it made me think of “Alice in Wonderland.”
Epi = 5.5
When you can make an electric violin sound smoother than Moog runs, you have my respect.

The Noisy Eater
MyNameisNothing

Moto = 5
It’s hard to understand what the children are saying. I don’t really like rap.
QP = 6
I think we all know a messy eater in our lives. It was hard to hear things over the effects and noises in the backgrounds. However, one of my favorites was the chomps.
Epi = 5.5
Simon says this sounds like a Warner Bros. rap song. I agree.

“Fatback”
The Waltons

Moto = 5
I found it repetitive a little bit. I liked the bass though.
QP = 7
It really reflects how much a mama does. The bass and the drums worked well together, and this reflects the category well.
Epi = 6
That’s good eatin’ right there. I don’t care who you are.

“Banana Pancakes”
MacDougall

Moto = 8
I love the tune. I want my dad to play this on his guitar. Since this is calming, it makes you think of all the different pancakes. I want to dance to this.
QP = 9
I’m in love already. It makes me think of hot butter melting over pancakes. It’s got the breakfast feel.
Epi = 8.5
You’ll never hear an argument from me about Jack Johnson.

[speedchuck]

PPAP deserves nothing less than a ten.

[Epignosis]

This is on tonight at 7pm EST.

@nutella
@MacDougall
@dunya
@MyNameIsNothing
@birdwithteeth11
@nijuukyugou
@Boomslang
@Marmot
@TonyStarkPrime
@G-Man

[Epignosis]

I need to update this thread too. Whoops.

[Epignosis]

Art

Spoiler: show

“The Art of Dying”
birdwithteeth11


Moto = 1
Horrible.
QP = 1
It’s like “I WANT COOKIES.” Whoever submitted this is just trying to torture two kids. At the beginning, there was a slight moment I thought this could be good. But no. The only thing this inspires me to do is turn it off.
Epi = 1
The girl’s Sesame Street reference has me pondering a new genre… Elmocore.


“Moon River”
TonyStarkPrime


Moto = 4
“Moo moo moo” cow noises. That’s all I hear. It’s boring and makes me want to fall asleep.
QP = 3
He’s got a nice voice, but this song is annoying and gives me a headache. A Capella is not my go to.
Epi = 3.5
I wish I owned that many shirts. If pressed to make this video, you’d see a bunch of Hoke County High School staff shirts.


“Fugue in G Minor”
Boomslang


Moto = 7
*At the beginning* “Ooo, techno!”
It reminds me of the time I went on the Ring of Fire at the fair.
QP = 4
This goes from haunted house music to carnival music.
Epi = 5.5
I’m like moto, but more like “Ooo Genesis! Can’t wait for the Mellotron and eventual guitar solo!”


“Nightmare”
Turnip Head


Moto = 3
I have no words. It’s horrible. What she said.
QP = 3
Very inappropriate. We’re kids goshdangit.
Epi = 3
On the other hand, this video makes me thankful for the shirts I *do* have.


“Teachers”
MacDougall


Moto = 8
It’s dark if you pay attention to the lyrics. The repeating fluttering of the guitar pleased me.
QP = 9
It’s a sad beautiful tune. It makes me feel like a butterfly flying away.
Epi = 8.5
*“It goes like this, the fourth the fifth, the minor fa-“* Oh, sorry, what were we listening to again?


“Life in Technicolor”
G-Man


Moto = 6
The buildup is beautiful. It’s short. I wish there were words.
QP = 4
It’s beautiful, but the start kind of bores me. It didn’t really inspire me. There’s nothing to it emotionally to me.
Epi = 5
Damn kids don’t understand the value of an instrumental introduction. I should lock them in a closet and make them listen to *The Snow Goose* on repeat for 48 hours.


“Winter”
Nijuukyugou


Moto = 7
Reminds me of a ballet recital.
QP = 7
If I had a ballet troupe, I’d make a routine to this.
Epi = 7
Damn, now I *really* need to get the string on that violin replaced…


Raindrop in my Skull
nutella


Moto = 8
Dark, but the voice is beautiful with the build up to the drums. The violinist did a great job.
QP = 8
This song made me wish my dad didn’t suck at the violin. It’s a nice mix of melodies. The beachy bends bring it all together.
Epi = 8
Oof. Burn.


“Dance PM”
MyNameisNothing


Moto = 2
I think I know how this was made. The person did the keyboard part and then repeated it with copy and pasting.
QP = 4
Gentle like a lullaby but way too repetitive for me.
Epi = 3
That introduction had me ready to play some FTL. Damn it. Have to host this shit.


Tennis Court
dunia


Moto = 3
I hate it so much that I don’t know what to say.
QP = 2
I didn’t understand what this was about. Is it a competition? The lyrics make no sense. Who talks on the tennis court? Why not the golf course? People talk on the golf course.
Epi = 2.5
Holy shit! All I need to do to get 120 million views on my Youtube channel is wear mauve lipstick, a fishnet top, and occasionally mouth “YEAH?” Sign me up!

“I Talk to the Wind”
Epi


Moto = 8
I’ve heard this song before, and it has always been an artistic song to me.
QP = 7
Such a harmonious song. The woodwinds bring it all together. It makes me want to twerk.
Epi = 7.5
My children were actually twerking to this. I do not know what to say. Not Simon though. Simon lacks an ass.

“Summer of ‘42”
Marmot


Moto = 9
Beautiful voice. Harmonious, it makes me want to dance.
QP = 9
Very classical. It builds up and definitely inspires me to make art.
Epi = 9
I, too, enjoyed Jónsi’s side project very much.

[Epignosis]

Treasure

Spoiler: show

“Shiny”
MacDougall


Moto = 6
I don’t like how there’s talking in the middle of the song.
QP = 3
I don’t care for songs that have spoken word in them. Does the submitter treasure shiny stuff? The song was repetitive, though I did like the part that said, “Your grandmother lied.”
Epi = 4.5
I have no context, as I have not seen the movie, but now I’m sure that decision has been made for me.

“Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” – Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons
G-Man


Moto = 6
I don’t care for lovey-dovey songs. The saxophone was excellent though.
QP = 6
Frankie Valli expresses the lyrics beautifully. I usually don’t go for oldies, but it was an exceptional song. I guess whoever submitted this treasures a loved one.
Epi = 6
Kid’s just don’t appreciate the classics.


“The Diary of Horace Wimp” – ELO
nijuukyugou


Moto = 4
The sounds are annoying.
QP = 3
The high-pitched singing gave me a headache. The music was whacky but fun.
Epi = 3.5
Kids! Not only do they fail to recognize quality ELO, but they don’t remember my karaoke rendition last summer! (The girl insists she did remember I sang it and says it sounded better when I sang it. Ha! Take THAT, Jeff Lynne!)


“Ain't We Got Fun” – Liz Gillies Seth MacFarlane
TonyStarkPrime


Moto = 6
This is a different version than the one I usually listen to. It isn’t as good as the original.
QP = 7
This is going to get stuck in my head, but I don’t care! The lyrics are a fun update. “The rich get rich and the poor get blank” is a fun formula.
Epi = 6.5
Basically my 20s in a nutshell.

“My Favorite Things” – John Coltrane
Marmot


Moto = 3
Boring!!!!! Okay, that’s enough exclamation marks.
QP = 5
The saxophone playing was excellent, but I despise long instrumentals. I’m also used to the short version that has words, and this version lacks words, making it a monstrosity.
Epi = 4
This is the part of our program where I disown two of my children.

“Pleasure Little Treasure” – Depeche Mode
birdwithteeth11


Moto = 7
I liked the effects, but there’s too much going on at the same time.
QP = 6
I don’t feel like it goes with the theme. I like the synthetic bass.
Epi = 6.5
Simon came upstairs and asked, “Is this Tears for Fears?”

“I Shall Love 2” – Julia Holter
MyNameisNothing


Moto = 4
This is annoying. And repetitive.
QP = 2
Yeah, pretty annoying. I said repetitive first.
Epi = 3
I wouldn’t have lowballed it that bad, but yeah, I’m with the kids here.

“Something” – The Beatles
Boomslang


Moto = 8
Very upbeat. The tempo to the song is on point.
QP = 6
The music was good, but the vocals sounded funny to me.
Epi = 7
When the best thing you can say about that Beatles tune is that they got the tempo right, we’re all doomed.

“Vita Brevis” – Epignosis
Epi


Moto = 8
If this is dad, how dare he promote his own music! I love the music.
QP = 7
Okay, who submitted my dad? I love the echo effect. But what is it about? What is the treasure? Dad treasures his own music.
Epi = 7.5
I have a love/hate relationship with this artist.

“I Need My Girl” – The National
dunya


Moto = 7
Great tune to the lyrics. The guitar went well under the lyrics.
QP = 9
The singer was beautiful but something I noticed was that the drumming sounded like a heartbeat. The instruments complemented the singing well.
Epi = 8
I just kept singing “Let it Go” over this.


“My Life, My Love” – Family and Friends
nutella


Moto = 7
Soft and beautiful song. The drums and guitar were harmonious together.
QP = 9
It had a cool build-up, that’s for sure. The drums and violin bring the song together definitely.
Epi = 8
Sounds like a winner.

[Epignosis]

Timeless

Spoiler: show

Fleetwood Mac – “The Chain”
MacDougall

Moto = 7
The bass solo was really cool, especially going with the drums.
QP = 5
The drums start out kind of like a heartbeat, and then it makes you want to dance. The guitar solo at the end was cool. The voices didn’t sound like they worked well together.
Epi = 6
Interesting. Praising the rhythm section. It’s almost like…I don’t know…like the bass player and the drummer should break off from this band and start a new band with their last names as the band name.
(The children agree. Queen Pink says “They’re too good for this band.”)



Alec Benjamin - Let Me Down Slowly
dunia

Moto = 8
There is a great tune to go with the lyrics. It gets a bit repetitive on one part. I don’t think there’s a lot of flaws with it. I like how the music is soft. I love pop songs.
QP = 8
I have not heard that one in a while. The problem with judging songs that I know is that I’ve never asked myself “What’s good and what’s bad about this?” And now I have to think.
Epi = 8
Not bad. Not my thing but not bad.


Pink Floyd – “Have a Cigar”
nijuukyugou

Moto = 7
All the instruments together sounded good. I agree with my sister that the synthesizer was cool.
QP = 6
It was really cool how it went like a wormhole at the end. I liked the synthesizer parts.
Epi = 6.5
I really don’t like Wish You Were Here much. I prefer The Final Cut. That’s right bitches.


Mariah Carey – “Always Be My Baby”
MyNameisNothing

Moto = 6
I get how my mom would like this. I didn’t care for the lyrics.
QP = 7
I have always loved Mariah Carey’s voice. She has such a broad range. The backup voices were cool.
Epi = 6.5
As the kids say these days, it’s been a minute since I’ve heard this one.



Paul Simon – “Graceland”
Boomslang

Moto = 8
The bass goes well with the drums. Multiple people singing together sound nice.
QP= 6
I’m trying to figure out what exactly the clapping sound is from. This sounds like rodeo music.
Epi = 7
That’s right folks. Paul Simon should give you the urge to mount a bull. Yee-haw.


The Allman Brothers Band – “Jessica”
Marmot

Moto = 6
The guitar players are great! My dad says this band has two drummers, which is cool.
QP = 6
My dad’s reaction was to pick up his guitar and play along. The lead guitar gives this a somewhat Hawaiian beachy vibe.
Epi = 6
True story: Another instrumental by The Allman Brothers Band, “In Memory of Elizabeth Reed” was inspired by a gravestone in a graveyard where members of the band would sometimes enjoy amorous encounters.


Pure Reason Revolution – “Deux Ex Machina”
Birdwithteeth11

Moto = 4
I hate the effects on the voice.
QP = 4
I feel like this is the opposite of whatever timeless is. Listening to it one time was enough.
Epi = 4
I don’t know why they didn’t just release an album on which they repeat “A million bright ambassadors of morning” ad nauseum. It worked for the album before this one.


Shearwater = “Animal Life”
nutella

Moto = 7
The singing is great. I felt like it was an extravagant song with lots of layers.
QP = 8
It sounds like they were banging on trash cans at one part. The singer has a very powerful voice. The buildup was a surprise for me.
Epi = 7.5
Simon says this is “eightworthy.”





The Ronettes – “Be My Baby”
G-Man

Moto = 5
Once again, I like the drums, but I didn’t like much else.
QP = 5
She has a nasal voice, which I don’t like. It’s like she’s holding her nose while she sings.
Epi = 5
I had to point out that the exaggerated cat eye look is not a new trend by any means.


Rick Astley – “Never Gonna Give You Up”
TonyStarkPrime

Moto = 6
Good dance music.
QP = 5
I’d play that at a party. Very 80s.
Epi = 5.5
Simon wants to know why we got Rickrolled.



Astrud Gilberto, João Gilberto and Stan Getz – “The Girl from Ipanema”
Epi

Moto = 9
I’ve heard this before and already knew I liked this song. I could listen to this multiple time without getting tired of it.
QP = 8
Without the words, this sounds like elevator music. Smooth sax. It’s kind of beautiful how the singer doesn’t quite sing English perfectly because it adds a sense of mystery.
Epi = 8.5
Protip: I can boost the score of my submission by playing mine right after birdwithteeth’s.

[Quin]

i thought this was going to be a thread where you talk shit about your kids

[Sloonei]

Instead it’s a thread where Epi’s kids talk shit about everyone’s musical tastes.

[Epignosis]

Alcoholism

Spoiler: show

Kendrick Lamar – “Swimming Pools (Drank)”

birdwithteeth11
Moto = 4
I don’t like the voice, but this song would go good in a thug movie. I hate the “drank” part and I don’t like how it talks at the end.
QP = 6
*Makes it rain*. I feel like I’m at the club. The end is like they’re on a phone call.
Epi = 5
Okay, Microsoft Word underlined “thug” and advised me, “Using neutral language here would be more inclusive.” What if I’m trying to include thugs? I wonder what other words Word will call me out on…

The Streets - Too Much Brandy

Boomslang
Moto = 4
The singer’s voice is pretty bad and the music was very jarring.
QP = 6
At the club again. I don’t care for this overall, but I liked the lighter part. I didn’t hear much that the singer said except “fast food” and “long johns.” It was unclear.
Epi = 5
Simon’s a fan.

Kah-Lo & Riton – “Fake I.D. “


MyNameisNothing
Moto = 5
I agree with my sister, only I wouldn’t want to go even if I was.
QP = 7
This sounds like a grown-up party that I’m not invited to.
Epi = 6
I’m broke and I don’t dance. *Fuck*

Mussorgsky - Pictures at an Exhibition - XIV. The Hut on Fowl's Legs (Baba-Yagá)

nijuuukyugou
Moto = 7
This gives me a Nutcracker feel. I like the crescendo, when the sound gets bigger.
QP = 8
“Where’s the army? Where are they invading from?” Yep, definitely Nutcracker. This is the part when the mouse king comes in!
Epi = 7.5
Holy shit. You would think the only classical music I’ve exposed my children to is Tchaikovsky. I have failed as a father, truly. This is seppuku worthy.

The Pogues - Fairytale Of New York

MacDougall
Moto = 6
It started out kind of boring, but I like the lively part. There’s a lot of name calling.
QP = 6
They did a good job sounding drunk. Quite funny.
Epi = 6
My kids like name calling. The rotten bastards.
Amy Winehouse - Rehab

dunya
Moto = 8
This is very upbeat. Me likey, me likey. It gets better each time I hear it.
QP = 7
I think the brass is charming. I didn’t understand the lyrics at first, but extra listening helps with that.
Epi = 7.5
Gone too soon.

The Kinks, “Alcohol”

G-Man
Moto = 5
The lyrics don’t go with the tune. The singer sounds drunk. Not a big fan of the instruments. Nice ending.
QP = 8
Perfect dancing song. Makes me want to grab a trumpet and just go *imitates Miles*. Love the ending part.
Epi = 6.5
I probably have to be drunk to listen to The Kinks.

Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats - S.O.B.

Epi
Moto = 8
Very loud! The first time my dad heard this on the radio, he said “Are they playing Christian or Gospel music on the rock station now?”
QP = 7
Me and my cohost are very familiar with this song.
Epi = 7.5
SON OF A BITCH! GIVE ME A DRINK. Never mind I’ve got one already, but thanks.

The Devil Makes Three - "Old Number 7"

nutella
Moto = 7
Two seconds into it and I already like the guitar. The singer is 100% drunk. At the end it gave me a Mexican feel.
QP = 7
Somewhat country, I really liked the singer’s Western style. I was digging it from the start.
Epi = 7
Did you know they’re discontinuing my favorite cheap bourbon? RIP Evan Williams green label.

Merle Haggard - I Think I'll Just Stay Here And Drink

TonyStarkPrime
Moto = 8
I like the voice and the lead instruments a lot, especially the electric guitar.
QP = 7
Very country. I’m a big fan of country. When I’m in the car and get to pick the station I pick old country.
Epi = 7.5
Good ol’ Merle. That lead guitar cooks.

Sufjan Stevens, "Should Have Known Better"

Marmot
Moto = 9
The voice and the guitar are so good. Very calming. Definitely a 9.
QP = 9
Reminds me of island life. I’d listen to this before I go to bed. This song is a winner for me.
Epi = 9
“Island life.” What is that?

[Epignosis]

Crime

Spoiler: show

Dead Kennedys - Stealing People's Mail

birdwithteeth11
Moto = 2
What a porch pirate! This sounds like gibberish.
QP = 2
This song gets better the more you turn the volume down. At least it’s very short, so there’s that. The only reason I know what the crime is is because of the title.
Epi = 2
I have enough credit card offers and fast food coupons, thanks.

Taemin – “Criminal”

MyNameIsNothing
Moto = 7
Sounds like a psychopath. I probably would like the song more if I knew the language.
QP = 8
Sounds like a guy in a mental hospital. I kind of liked how it was in a different language. It was cool and makes it stand out from the other songs.
Epi = 7.5
This is why I don’t do K-Pop music videos. I don’t have a tuxedo and a suit of chainmail just lying around. Also, I’m not Korean (my neighbor is though).

Hozier - Arsonist’s Lullabye

nutella
Moto = 7
I think he’s insane. Did he set fire to his clothes? This is a mediocre song for me. The noises sound sustained.
QP = 6
With the fire and demons in the lyrics, the drums made me think of a dragon pounding around.
Epi = 6.5
My first year teaching, I had an arsonist for a student. Smartest kid in the class, but he had it out for mailboxes. No joke.

The Traveling Wilburys – “Last Night”

nijuukyugou
Moto = 8
Right off the bat, this has me thinking of beach music. The voice was nice a soft. Their voices together are harmonious. Wow, this lady is greedy. It gets repetitive at the end.
QP = 4
Kind of repetitive in the chorus if you ask me. These guys need a new stylist.
Epi = 6
After typing it out I had to delete not one but TWO “Ls” in the band name. Damn British.

Damien rice - 9 Crimes

dunia
Moto = 6
At first I thought I would like it because of how soft it was. I was expecting it to get louder but it didn’t.
QP = 7
So sad. I felt like it was so simple there’s not much to say about it.
Epi = 6.5
The tenth crime is using the vi-IV-I-V chord progression.


Dire Straits – “Private Investigations”

Epi
Moto = 7
I appreciate the spoken word aspect of this. It gives me the feel of a wild west showdown. Great song!
QP = 7
I kept expecting Zorro to crash through here, but he never came. We like the classical guitar.
Epi = 7
Yes, I can quite picture the masked vigilante leaping deftly across London, whipping his way up the walls of Buckingham Palace to defend the besmirched Markle honour.

Jane's Addiction – “Been Caught Stealing”

MacDougall
Moto = 4
The tune of the voice is rough. I don’t have anything else to say. Didn’t like it.
QP = 4
Was that girl Zorro in the video? There was too much yelling.
Epi = 4

The Dear Hunter – “Mr. Usher (On His Way to Town)”

Boomslang
Moto = 7
I get Cuphead vibes. Good song! The voices are great. The piano instrumental is attractive.
QP = 6
Sounds like a knockoff of “Fly Me to the Moon.” I do like vocals when the main singer is a boy and the backup singers are girls.
Epi = 6.5
I like The Dear Hunter, but I can’t keep up with them. I know that’s a me problem.

Violent Femmes - “Country Death Song”

G-Man
Moto = 7
Nice country voice. It gets dark.
QP = 5
This is what I would expect a horse to sound like.
Epi = 6
Dropping this Friday: “Boxer’s Blues” – Black Beauty ft. Mr. Ed


Merle Haggard - Mama Tried

TonyStarkPrime
Moto = 8
I like country! I like it when the sound gets stronger. I like the soft voice of the singer.
QP = 7
Mama must be like, “I failed as a parent.” The country lead works well.
Epi = 7.5

Supertramp – “Crime of the Century”

Marmot
Moto = 6
I don’t like how the drums get loud when the singer shouts. Nice electric guitar. The instrumental section is good. Decent submission.
QP = 8
This song is like a big dramatic part of a movie when they’re about to conquer something big and the movie is about to be over. On a side now, I like the picture. (Editor’s note: She likes the sleeve.)
Epi = 7
That’s right folks. This son of a bitch should have been the soundtrack to Braveheart. What does that hack James Horner know?

[Epignosis]

Queen Pink Categories:

1. A Suicide Song. A song about killing yourself.
2. An Art Song. A song that inspires you to make art.
3. A Timeless Song. A song that no matter how much your hear it it never gets old.
4. A Treasure Song. A song that represents your treasure.

motobot Categories:

5. Alcoholism. I want a song that reminds me of people with alcohol addiction.
6. Crime. A Song about crime.
7. School. A Song that makes you think about school.
8. Food. A Song that makes you want food.

PM your links to me here, and let's try to have them by 12/30.

Scores

MacDougall =_______ 7.0 + 8.5 + 8.5 + 4.5 + 6.0 + 6.0 + 4.0 + 5.0 = 49.5
Marmot =___________ 7.0 + 5.5 + 9.0 + 4.0 + 6.0 + 9.0 + 7.0 + 5.5 = 53
G-Man =____________ 7.0 + 7.0 + 5.0 + 6.0 + 5.0 + 6.5 + 6.5 + 6.0 = 49
nutella =__________ 6.0 + 5.5 + 8.0 + 8.0 + 7.5 + 7.0 + 6.5 + 7.5 = 56
nijuukyugou =______ 7.0 + 6.0 + 7.0 + 3.5 + 6.5 + 7.5 + 6.0 + 7.0 = 50.5
Boomslang =________ 5.0 + 6.0 + 5.5 + 7.0 + 7.0 + 5.0 + 6.5 + 4.5 = 46.5
MyNameisNothing =__ 7.5 + 5.5 + 3.0 + 3.0 + 6.5 + 6.0 + 7.5 + 6.0 = 45
dunya = ___________ 6.0 + 6.5 + 2.5 + 8.0 + 8.0 + 7.5 + 6.5 + 8.5 = 53.5
Epignosis =________ 7.5 + 7.5 + 7.5 + 7.5 + 8.5 + 7.5 + 7.0 + 6.5 = 59.5
TonyStarkPrime =___ 5.5 + 4.0 + 3.5 + 6.5 + 5.5 + 7.5 + 7.5 + 6.0 = 46
birdwithteeth11 =__ 2.0 + 4.0 + 1.0 + 6.5 + 4.0 + 5.0 + 2.0 + 5.0 = 29.5