I Got 99 Problems....

[Tangrowth]

Damn, sorry to hear it, Golden. I can't stand politics like that, but especially when they're seemingly out of nowhere. Hopefully this is something you can get properly resolved either way.

[Epignosis]

So it turns out my ongoing employment ended up being the topic of a lot of debate.

I’ve been working in my team for the last nine months and I’ve really enjoyed the job. My manager is one of the most inspirational people I’ve worked for. She’s visionary, and she really manages to set a tone. My team is amazing, and I really get along with all of them. But there is this one person, who I’ve never quite been able to figure out. I really liked her, but for whatever reason I was never quite sure exactly what she was thinking. That’s ok though, she’s been really busy and stressed and I figured that she probably just need to be mostly left alone to get work done. I wasn’t that bothered by it.
We are now putting in to place our final team structure. We really need it, because we are understaffed. So we are growing to double the size. As a result, my manager needed to put another person in, a deputy chief legal counsel, and that’s who I’ll be reporting to.

The job went to that very woman who I didn’t quite understand, and the next thing I know, I find out she’s fighting to get rid of me. Why? Apparently because I don’t work hard enough. Now to put this in context, I’ve been working extremely long hours, cancelled a holiday, didn’t go to the doctor when I was sick, basically put on hold all my other life commitments as well, hired external legal counsel to help me with aspects of the job – because this job was so demanding of me at the moment. We are short staffed, and because of that inspirational boss, I’ve been fine doing it. Actually genuinely happy doing it. My new manager, there is no way she could actually not see that this was the case. She managed to pick up a couple of examples where the very least important thing I’m doing that was non-urgent, wasn’t done to her expected time frames (which weren’t stated).

The worst thing about this is that I had no idea my new manager felt this way. She’s never addressed it to me directly. I had to interview again and she was on my interview panel – she could have put a question directly to me about it or given me the opportunity to defend myself, but she didn’t. She chose to fight against me in a closed room without my knowledge and without ever giving me a chance to respond or even know. I only find out because my current manager was determined to let me know what I was walking into if I took the job.

Now I managed to keep my job due to the grace of my current manager and her fighting for me. But now I’ll have to report to someone who I know wanted to get rid of me, and I still don’t understand what the real reason was. I feel like my real life is a game of mafia. It’s really taken the joy out of the job, and while I objectively know that there is something else going on here and the issue actually doesn’t lie with me, that doesn’t really help. I am a person who generally in life doesn’t need the validation of others and has enough self-worth that I would think something like this doesn’t bother me. But it does – I feel like I suddenly have no job security and a boss I can’t trust. It’s not a situation I imagined finding myself in and frankly – it just sucks.

It’s now been more than a week that I’ve known this and been processing it and it hasn’t gotten much easier yet. I’ve been hoping for some sort of sign that opinions have changed on me at least slightly but I don’t think that they have. I’ve had the odd depressive episode over it. I’m hoping it gets better.

*Taking off the Rockies Cap here*

Call her out on it. If she didn't confront you in an honest manner, then it means she is a dishonest person who has something (usually a lot of things) to hide. And she's only going to cause more problems. Directly and loudly call her ass out. Ask her to explain directly what you did wrong to warrant her opinion of you. Make her give examples. Don't let her get away with platitudinous phrases.

This happened to me once. The minute I did the above, I more or less got left alone.

[nutella]

Yikes that's shitty. I think dunya and epi both have good suggestions here. Hope you can reach some sort of resolution.

[sig]

Don't know how helpful this'll be since it's mainly based off of what I've learned in my Army/business classes, but I'd suggest going to your HR department and bringing up your concern there, maybe if possible get your former manager who helped you keep the job go with you, lay out your concerns say that you feel the work environment is currently hostile seeing who you'll be reporting to and come prepared to show all the work you've put in. I'd also mention to them that she's never directly addressed these concerns to you in a formal or informal counseling/review session which is really unprofessional/unethical for a boss. Which shows she's got a personal gripe with you or something.

If you don't have an HR department to go to I'd go to her boss, even with an HR type thing still keep her boss/the next level of management in the loop. Make sure your exchanges with HR/higher management is recorded so you have something to fall back on and I'd avoid being alone with your current boss and make sure to keep a record of conversation/emails. Just so she can't accuse you of something to try and get rid of you.

[dunya]

*Taking off the Rockies Cap here*

Call her out on it. If she didn't confront you in an honest manner, then it means she is a dishonest person who has something (usually a lot of things) to hide. And she's only going to cause more problems. Directly and loudly call her ass out. Ask her to explain directly what you did wrong to warrant her opinion of you. Make her give examples. Don't let her get away with platitudinous phrases.

This happened to me once. The minute I did the above, I more or less got left alone.

Ideally, this is the best thing to do. However, once he does this there's no going back really. I feel the work environment he's in (law firm), doesn't make things so simple and black and white. If he calls her out immediately directly to her face, he could worsen the situation.

There's an inbetween solution - grey area - of trying to pacify the bias and/or hostility before getting superiors involved.

I'd handle people like her like I handle toddlers--try to ease them into trusting me and seeing things my way. But one thing for certain is I'd never put up with it indefinitely. If you feel like you're beating a dead horse, take it higher or confront her then because things can't get much worse.

[Golden]

I'd handle people like her like I handle toddlers--try to ease them into trusting me and seeing things my way. But one thing for certain is I'd never put up with it indefinitely. If you feel like you're beating a dead horse, take it higher or confront her then because things can't get much worse.

Yeah this is pretty much what I'm going to do. The silly thing here is that this is a lawyer that I feel is being unethical and that's something I deeply struggle with. But I also struggle with the unethical aspect of, like, giving a performance that might make me look good to her, which isn't necessarily the same as giving my best.

sig, the good thing is my old boss is now her boss, so I know I'm in safe hands in that respect. I'd go up the chain if I feel I need to but I just talk to my old boss about it mostly. HR isn't a great option because new manager has spent her time in the job giving a lot of advice to HR, so that relationship is already really good.

Make sure your exchanges with HR/higher management is recorded so you have something to fall back on and I'd avoid being alone with your current boss and make sure to keep a record of conversation/emails. Just so she can't accuse you of something to try and get rid of you.

This is pretty much where I'm going to be at. Keeping careful records of conversations etc.

The 'calling her out' part is a little bit trickier but I do think I need to do a little of that too, just in a gentle way.

I'm sort of in the 'anger' part of stages of grief right now where I'm more mad at the fact someone could be like this. I was hurt for a while, and I guess I still am a bit hurt, but also just mad in that I treat people with integrity and expect that back and don't like when I don't get it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The most important thing here is that I happen to be in an extremely high functioning legal team that is trusted by senior leadership; and that I do genuinely make an impact on children's lives for the better (not every day, but often). And not in a small way. Getting them out of abusive houses, and into caring ones, for example. It's a real job with real stakes for people who I can genuinely help and it's not the kind of thing you run away from because your manager is a bit shit, and that's what I'm going to be hanging on to.

[Mongoose]

For some levity -- is anyone else scandalized by the sudden proliferation of rosé wine? I can't seem to get away from it. There's even a local place where you can have a flight of rosé (but you can also have a pinot noir flight).

Anyone else annoyed by this trend? It's ubiquitous!

[ColinIsCool]

For some levity -- is anyone else scandalized by the sudden proliferation of rosé wine? I can't seem to get away from it. There's even a local place where you can have a flight of rosé (but you can also have a pinot noir flight).

Anyone else annoyed by this trend? It's ubiquitous!

I've never been much of a wine guy, but the best glass I ever had was probably a rosé. So you're probably right to be annoyed.

[Epignosis]

I just found out my good friend's little brother passed last night. He still looks like a little kid to me, even though he was a soldier. RIP Brian.

[dunya]

I just found out my good friend's little brother passed last night. He still looks like a little kid to me, even though he was a soldier. RIP Brian.

Really sorry for your loss.

[dunya]

For some levity -- is anyone else scandalized by the sudden proliferation of rosé wine? I can't seem to get away from it. There's even a local place where you can have a flight of rosé (but you can also have a pinot noir flight).

Anyone else annoyed by this trend? It's ubiquitous!

I've never been much of a wine guy, but the best glass I ever had was probably a rosé. So you're probably right to be annoyed.

I mix 7up with my Rosè so she's definitely right to be annoyed.

[juliets]

For some levity -- is anyone else scandalized by the sudden proliferation of rosé wine? I can't seem to get away from it. There's even a local place where you can have a flight of rosé (but you can also have a pinot noir flight).

Anyone else annoyed by this trend? It's ubiquitous!

I am also scandalized. I was raised that rose is not real wine - only white and red are real! Though I must say my new favorite champagne is a pink champagne so that might be close to a rose wine.

[juliets]

I just found out my good friend's little brother passed last night. He still looks like a little kid to me, even though he was a soldier. RIP Brian.

So sorry Epi. What a tragedy.

[Mongoose]

I just found out my good friend's little brother passed last night. He still looks like a little kid to me, even though he was a soldier. RIP Brian.

Wow. Big hugs to you and yours.

AP

[Spacedaisy]

I just have to fucking vent. Alex and I have both lived relatively debt free until like 4 years ago. That means both our credit histories are fairly new. Because the last four years we have lived on a retail salary and a college stipend we did not have a bunch of money socked away. We have been making it, just. Now his fucking job doesn’t pay him until fucking October. They don’t pay reimbursements until we have been here for four to six weeks, sometime in October by those standards. Our apartment is a new build and isn’t ready for us to move in so what little money we have is getting piddled away in the cost of living for fucking air bnb rentals. Even if it was open right now, we couldn’t get into it, because we no longer have the money thanks to this fact. We were told by the school that we would receive a $5000 loan from the school affiliated credit union which we just learned we were denied for.

So basically we are nearly broke with nowhere to fucking live and the school just doesn’t pay him for another month and a half.

I can’t even right now...
I am so beyond upset right now.

[DharmaHelper]

I just have to fucking vent. Alex and I have both lived relatively debt free until like 4 years ago. Tha means both our credit histories are fairly new. Because the last four years we have lived an a retail salary and a college stipend we do not age money socked away. We have been making it, just. Ow hisfucking job doesn’t pay him until fucking October. They don’t pay reimbursements until we have been here for four to six weeks, sometime in October by those standards. Our apartment is a new build and isn’t ready for us to move in so what little money we have is getting piddled away in the cost of living for fucking air bnb rentals. Even if it was open right now, we couldn’t get into it, because we no longer have the money. We were told by the school that we would receive a $5000 loan from the school affiliated credit union which we just learned we were denied for.

So basically we are nearly broke with nowhere to fucking live and the school just doesn’t pay him for another month and a half.

I can’t evenright now...
I am so beyond upset right now.

[Spacedaisy]

Thanks.

[nutella]

what!!! that sucks. set up a gofundme or something and we can help you guys out a bit

[nutella]

I'm serious, I think the forum as a collective could pool some money for you.

[juliets]

Daisy I'm so sorry. That really does suck. I like nutella's idea of a gofundme.

[Dragon D. Luffy]

Sorry to hear that Daisy. I hope you get it through, so a few months from now you will be chilling in a new house.

[Tangrowth]

I really have no words right now. (In a good way.)

I will see what I can come up with later.

I appreciate you all so much.

[DharmaHelper]

I really have no words right now. (In a good way.)

I will see what I can come up with later.

I appreciate you all so much.

Hey anyway the good news is you ain't me.

[ColinIsCool]

I’m not sure who this circulated to exactly, but if you want to chip in a few bucks to our hosts (and are able) then you can go to this link:

https://www.gofundme.com/mp-and-daisy-s ... e-bakesale

If nothing else, it should be good for a few years of hosting fees for the site, and some spins of roulette.

[ColinIsCool]

Big, big thanks to everybody who has donated so far, btw.

[DharmaHelper]

Pains me that I can't help but I'll always be around to talk things out.

[Quin]

I’m not sure who this circulated to exactly, but if you want to chip in a few bucks to our hosts (and are able) then you can go to this link:

https://www.gofundme.com/mp-and-daisy-s ... e-bakesale

If nothing else, it should be good for a few years of hosting fees for the site, and some spins of roulette.

do you think my dad would get worried if he found out i was donating money to some couple i met on the internet

[ColinIsCool]

I’m not sure who this circulated to exactly, but if you want to chip in a few bucks to our hosts (and are able) then you can go to this link:

https://www.gofundme.com/mp-and-daisy-s ... e-bakesale

If nothing else, it should be good for a few years of hosting fees for the site, and some spins of roulette.

do you think my dad would get worried if he found out i was donating money to some couple i met on the internet

Just put it into terms that are easier to understand, like you’re paying for drugs or pornography.

[sprityo]

I’m not sure who this circulated to exactly, but if you want to chip in a few bucks to our hosts (and are able) then you can go to this link:

https://www.gofundme.com/mp-and-daisy-s ... e-bakesale

If nothing else, it should be good for a few years of hosting fees for the site, and some spins of roulette.

do you think my dad would get worried if he found out i was donating money to some couple i met on the internet

Just put it into terms that are easier to understand, like you’re paying for drugs or pornography.

*and

[Quin]

I’m not sure who this circulated to exactly, but if you want to chip in a few bucks to our hosts (and are able) then you can go to this link:

https://www.gofundme.com/mp-and-daisy-s ... e-bakesale

If nothing else, it should be good for a few years of hosting fees for the site, and some spins of roulette.

do you think my dad would get worried if he found out i was donating money to some couple i met on the internet

Just put it into terms that are easier to understand, like you’re paying for drugs or pornography.

*and

yeah, and. dad knows i'm no cheapskate.

[Spacedaisy]

[G-Man]

Our new neighbors moved in a month ago, though I have yet to meet them. The husband occasionally brings home a large work pickup truck. Our mailbox is a straight shot out the middle of their driveway.

In 10 and a half years, our mailbox has never been hit by anyone. The door sits flush with the curb. It’s a tall curb. The only way to hit our mailbox is to have a tall vehicle that can hang over the curb enough to smack the box or the post. Like a large pickup truck.

Since our new neighbors moved in, our mailbox has been hit twice and is now on life support. It’s the middle of winter and there is a polar freaking vortex descending on us this week. There’s no chance of digging a new post hole, let alone cement setting right until probably March.

I have no proof that our new neighbors are responsible but the circumstances sure make me go ‘hmm.’

[Epignosis]

Our new neighbors moved in a month ago, though I have yet to meet them. The husband occasionally brings home a large work pickup truck. Our mailbox is a straight shot out the middle of their driveway.

In 10 and a half years, our mailbox has never been hit by anyone. The door sits flush with the curb. It’s a tall curb. The only way to hit our mailbox is to have a tall vehicle that can hang over the curb enough to smack the box or the post. Like a large pickup truck.

Since our new neighbors moved in, our mailbox has been hit twice and is now on life support. It’s the middle of winter and there is a polar freaking vortex descending on us this week. There’s no chance of digging a new post hole, let alone cement setting right until probably March.

I have no proof that our new neighbors are responsible but the circumstances sure make me go ‘hmm.’

I remember my mailbox getting run over on purpose, and then the scraps getting run over for good measure.

[DharmaHelper]

I don't drink and won't ever, but every now and then I get why people do.

[ColinIsCool]

That's funny, because I drink a lot and always end up wondering why.

[DharmaHelper]

You "drink to forget" and it works, obv.

[reywaS]

if i drink and forget i feel sad tbh. I drink because i can and it's fun sometimes.

[Epignosis]

Drink drove me into the gutter.

Eloh drew me out.

And now I shake drink's hand, but that's all.

We don't go down into the gutter.

[reywaS]

well said.

You two are like the world's only true perfect couple. I love you guys.

[Epignosis]

[G-Man]

I've spent time over the last few weeks researching new refrigerators so we can replace ours before it dies. We've narrowed down the style we want and have weeded out some inferior brands/models. We're pretty close to making a decision on a refrigerator.

Our dryer died this afternoon.

[dunya]

well said.

You two are like the world's only true perfect couple. I love you guys.

i like you jojo but we're gonna have problems if you start stealing my lines and my friendship with eloh

[dunya]

I've spent time over the last few weeks researching new refrigerators so we can replace ours before it dies. We've narrowed down the style we want and have weeded out some inferior brands/models. We're pretty close to making a decision on a refrigerator.

Our dryer died this afternoon.

that always happens. i lived without a dryer for 3 years though; my clothes lasted longer and smelled fresher. now that i'm back with a dryer, it's like "how was i living without you?"

furnishing a new house with all new white goods. rip my money.

[reywaS]

well said.

You two are like the world's only true perfect couple. I love you guys.

i like you jojo but we're gonna have problems if you start stealing my lines and my friendship with eloh

[DharmaHelper]

I've spent time over the last few weeks researching new refrigerators so we can replace ours before it dies. We've narrowed down the style we want and have weeded out some inferior brands/models. We're pretty close to making a decision on a refrigerator.

Our dryer died this afternoon.

Just make sure you stick to your guns RE: Your choice of refrigerator. Would hate to hear you got cold feet.

[DharmaHelper]

Sorry to make light of your plight G-Man. Unlike your clothes my humor can by a little dry.

[ColinIsCool]

Does anybody here do yoga/know good resources for it? I have a pretty good workout routine but I’m sick of tweaking my back once a month and I need to open things up, so to speak.

You "drink to forget" and it works, obv.

I’ve actually never blacked out before, which is somewhat of a shock on my own part ... but I remember every dumb thing I do.

[Epignosis]

Talk to Mongoose.

[nutella]

Yeah [mention]Mongoose[/mention] is a yoga instructor I believe

[Mongoose]

Does anybody here do yoga/know good resources for it? I have a pretty good workout routine but I’m sick of tweaking my back once a month and I need to open things up, so to speak.

You "drink to forget" and it works, obv.

I’ve actually never blacked out before, which is somewhat of a shock on my own part ... but I remember every dumb thing I do.

Check out a beginner yoga class at a studio OR check out Lesley Fightmaster's free Youtube Channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcox27 ... 2-X9hdLaMw

There are tons of classes on there for beginners, back health, corework (which should help you in your predicament since a strong core can help with back issues). PM if you have any questions!